Thursday, May 31, 2007
I was able to snap a picture of him getting his teeth cleaned...see it after the "read more" tag.
Saving my pennies now...
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
The videos are below the "read more" tag.
Mr. Bean: The Library
Abbott and Costello
Monty Python and the Black Knight
George and Gracie Allen
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
The Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel - which crossing Chesapeake near its mouth, at Norfolk, Virginia - uses a combination of bridge spans and tunnels. Manmade islands allow the roadway to enter the tunnels beneath the Bay's shipping channels.
The only nation whose name begins with an "A", but doesn't end in an "A" is Afghanistan.
Given their sheer volume, ninety-nine percent of the living space on the planet is found in the oceans. The average depth of the oceans is 2.5 miles (4 km). The deepest point lies in the Mariana Trench, 6.8 miles (10.9 km) down. By way of comparison, Mount Everest is only 5.5 miles (8.8 km) high.
Ninety percent of all volcanic activity occurs in the oceans. In 1993, scientists located the largest known concentration of active volcanoes on the sea floor in the South Pacific. This area, the size of New York state, hosts 1,133 volcanic cones and sea mounts. Two or three could erupt at any moment.
According to NASA, the U.S. has the world's most violent weather. In a typical year, the U.S. can expect some 10,000 violent thunderstorms, 5,000 floods, 1,000 tornadoes and several hurricanes.
Zion, Illinois - located on the shores of Lake Michigan north of Chicago - was founded by the followers of John Alexander Dowie, whose Christian Catholic Church disapproved of pharmacies, doctors, theaters or dance halls. Smoking, drinking and the eating of pork also was prohibited in town.
The U-S Park Service says the older Old Faithful gets, the more the geyser at Yellowstone National Park slows down. In the 1950s, it erupted every 62 minutes. Lately, it's been erupting every 77 minutes. Some experts say Old Faithful may someday just stop.
At 840,000 square miles, Greenland is the largest island in the world. It is 3 times the size of Texas. By comparison Iceland is only 39,800 square miles.
According to experts, large caves tend to "breathe"; they inhale and exhale great quantities of air when the barometric pressure on the surface changes, and air rushes in or out seeking equilibrium.
The surface area of the Earth is 197,000,000 square miles.
Forty six percent of the world's water is in the Pacific Ocean. The Atlantic has 23.9 percent; the Indian, 20.3; the Arctic, 3.7 percent.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Here are the first 4 stanzas of the National Anthem:
Oh! say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro’ the night that our flag was still there.
Oh! say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
“Ramparts,” in case you don’t know, are the protective walls or
other elevations that surround a fort. The first stanza asks a question.
The second stanza gives an answer:
On the shore, dimly seen thro’ the mist of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep.
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream
‘Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
“The towering steep” is again, the ramparts. The bombardment has
failed, and the British can do nothing more but sail away, their mission
a failure. In the third stanza, I feel Key allows himself to gloat over
the American triumph. In the aftermath of the bombardment, Key probably
was in no mood to act otherwise.
During World War II, when the British were our staunchest allies,
this third stanza was not sung. However, I know it, so here it is:
And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep’s pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
The fourth stanza, a pious hope for the future, should be sung more
slowly than the other three and with even deeper feeling:
Oh thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation,
Blest with victory and peace, may the Heaven - rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just,
And this be our motto –”In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Here are the lyrics for Taps, the tune most often played honoring the fallen brothers. It's also played at the end of each day on military bases.
Day is done, gone the sun,
From the lakes, from the hills, from the skies,
All is well, safely rest.
God is nigh.
Then good night, peaceful night,
Till the light of the dawn shineth bright,
God is near, do not fear
Friend, good night.
Composed By Major General Daniel Butterfield
Army of the Potomac, Civil War
This bugle call was written during the Peninsula Campaign of the
Civil War in the year 1862 after a battle near Richmond, Virginia
which saw a large number of Union causualties. It is said that the
tune came to then Brigade Commander Colonel Daniel Butterfield,
while reflecting sadly on the losses. According to the story,
Butterfield unable to write music, hummed it to his aide who wrote
it down in musical notation. It was performed that evening by his
bugler, Oliver W. Norton in honor of fallen comrades. In 1874,
it became officially recognized by the U.S. Army as an alternative
to "Lights Out" and since has been used not only a signal that day
was done, but also as means of saying good-bye to a fallen comrade,
usually accompanied by the drumbeat, Muffled Ruffles. It is customarily
played at military funerals across the land.
"I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts, that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of Freedom." Abraham Lincoln's letter to Mrs. Bixby
"With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow and his orphan - to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations." Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address, March 4, 1865.
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same." Ronald Reagan
Make sure to take a moment this weekend to honor those who gave the ultimate sacrifice. Whether you believe in today's war or wars of past, remember it is those who sacrificed their all to allow you the privilege of freedom. One day soon, this privilege will disappear only to be replaced by man's right to enjoy freedom. Until that day arrives, we honor those brave individuals who quietly and courageously brought order from the chaos.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Here are a few facts concerning the Indy 500 Race:
Traditionally, thirty-three cars start in the 500.
The Speedway was nicknamed "The Brickyard," because the track was once paved with bricks.
For more than fifty years, the winning driver has pulled into Victory Lane and taken a drink of milk.
Indy cars do not run on gasoline. Since 1964, they've used methanol, a wood-based alcohol.
While eight different drivers named Jones have driven in at least one 500 race (none of which are related), no starting field has ever included a driver named Smith.
Buddy Lazier was eliminated after only one lap in the 1991 Indy and received $162,690 in prize money. Ernie Ansterberg, on the other hand, pulled out after two laps in 1924 and was awarded the hefty sum of $5.25.
The Indianapolis Motor Speedway opened in August of 1909. The first Indianapolis 500 was held in 1911. It has been held every since except during W.W.I. (1917-1918) and during W.W.I.I. (1942-1945).
The Indianapolis Motor Speedway is located on the famous corner of 16th Street and Georgetown Road in the town of Speedway, Indiana. The town of Speedway is a suburb, located a few miles west of downtown Indianapolis.
The Indianapolis 500 has always been held in conjunction with Memorial Day. From 1911-1970, Memorial Day was observed on May 30th. Since 1971, Memorial Day has been observed on the last Monday in May.
From 1911-1970, the Indianapolis 500 was scheduled for May 30th, unless it fell on a Sunday. In those cases, it was scheduled for May 31st. From 1971-1972, it was scheduled for the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. In 1973, it was scheduled for Monday, Memorial Day itself. Since 1974, it has been scheduled for Sunday, the day before Memorial Day.
The most wins ever for a driver in the Indianapolis 500 is four, which has been done by A.J. Foyt (1961, 1964, 1967, 1977), Al Unser, Sr. (1970-1971, 1978, 1987), and Rick Mears (1979, 1984, 1988, 1991).
The race is 500 miles long, which equals 200 laps around the 2.5-mile Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
In order to be official, the race must complete one more lap than half the scheduled distance. After the leader has completed 101 laps of the scheduled 200, the race becomes "official." If rain interrupts the race prior to the completion of 101 laps, it must be restarted after drying the track, or on the next availible day. If rain falls after the completion of 101 laps, the race can be declared over at any time by officials. If there is sufficient time that day to dry the track and resume the race, every effort will be made to do so. However, if drying the track is not possible before darkness, once the race goes past 101 laps, it can not be extended into a second day, and must be declared over.
The track was situated on 320 acres outside of Indianapolis, IN. At that time, Indianapolis, not Detroit, was considered the "Motor City."
Plans: Original plans called for a circuit ranging from 2 to 5 miles. Depending on where they could acquire land. A 2.5 mile layout was chosen that fit snuggley into the land that was purchased. The basic track layout, a rounded-off rectangle, from 1909 remains today. Two straights (5/8 mile each), two short straights (1/8 mile each), connected by four turns (1/4 mile each).
Original Surface: The orginal surface was crushed stone and tar, essentially a dirt track. The first race in 1909 saw the track tear up badly. Soon after, the entire track was paved with 3,200,000 bricks, giving it the nickname "The Brickyard."
Balloon Race: The first-ever race at the Speedway was not an auto race, but a hot air balloon race on June 5, 1909, witnessed by about 43,500 people.
Back Home Again in Indiana: The song "Back Home Again in Indiana" has been sung every year before the race since 1946. Since 1972, singer/actor Jim Nabors has traditionally performed the song in most years.
Purdue Band: The Purdue University "All American" Marching Band is the traditional band to play official pre-race ceremonies. Traditional songs include "On the Banks of the Wabash," "Stars and Stripes Forever," "Back Home Again in Indiana," and "The Star-Spangled Banner."
Taps:"Taps" is played every year to honor the Memorial Day holiday. In many years, a combined military color guard band, or the Purdue University Band has played the song. More recently, a solo trumpeter has been used.
Invocation: Since at least the early 1970s, an invocation has been recited by a notable Roman Catholic clergyman from the Indianapolis-area, or a nationally-known minister. Rev. Billy Graham, in 1999, and Oral Roberts, in 1977, have both recited the pre-race Invocation.
Aircraft Fly-by: One of the first regular pre-race aircraft fly-bys was in 1972 with the Blue Angels. A B-2 Stealth bomber has participated several times. In 1949, F-80 Shooting Stars from the 56th Fighter's Wing of Southridge Field entertained fans in attendance.
Tom Carnegie: Tom Carnegie, the Speedway's pubilc address announcer, called every race from 1946-2006, a total of 61 years. The 2005 race marked his 60th anniversary. His final race as chief announcer was the 2006 Indianapolis 500, a race in which he took few breaks. About a week after the 2006 Indy 500, the 86-year old Carnegie announced his retirement from the microphone, informing he will only do cameo appearances in the future. During his tenure as announcer, he worked during every Indianapolis 500, Brickyard 400, U.S. Grand Prix, and support events. His assistant, Jim Phillippe, worked with him every year from 1950-2003. In 2003, Phillippe passed away at the age of 84 having worked during 73 different races. Please visit the Indy500.com site for a tribute to Tom. There are a couple of audio clips there as well.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I think "bad things come in groups of three" to be a pessimistic tale. I prefer to be optimistic this week and start a new tale that "good things come in groups of three". Now who out there can't resist a set of triplet children all dressed in the same adorable outfit? Anyone?...you in da back there...WAKE UP!
Or how about three cute adorable ducklings waddling across the path? Or maybe $3,000,000 dollars you won playing the lottery? A buy 2 get 1 free sale? See...all these bring a smile to your face and it washes away whatever dark cloud the day brings. And no matter how hard we try we still try and look at the pessimistic aspect of life. It's human nature...
So today... sitting in my office close to quitting time... reading blogs... trying to watch my time so I didn't run past my glorious 8-5 time frame(cough)... I read three blogs simultaneously that not only brought a smile to my face but lifted my spirits. It was a random act of cruising my blogroll looking for sites to visit. No rhyme or reason why I read those particular three...fate maybe? And when I finished reading all thee blogs I spent the next 45 minutes driving home reflecting on what I'd read. And exactly how did these posts effect me? I'm not too sure except they fired up my thoughts. And then it dawned on me why my thoughts were running rampant. No no no...the drugs didn't wear off silly.
All three posts reflected my sentiments today. The inner voices were speaking today about events the past few weeks. Trying to bring a sense of order to chaos. I gave up long ago trying to determine the meaning of life. Life is what we make of it and our actions or inactions have a direct effect on the balance of the universe. And then you come across three posts that snap you back into reality and give you a sense of peace and closure. And it is that feeling that drives me to read blogs daily. To seek out new avenues of experience and knowledge that might otherwise not be readily available. Do I need to visit all of the blogs daily? Not really...don't take offense to this statement. Can any of you honestly say that you visit over 50 blogs daily while working and playing spouse and/or parent? I'd be lying if I said yes...but I make a valiant effort. Yes I have my daily haunts and then I have my weekly visits. But I visit because there is something about your writing, personality, style, charm, humor, reflections, etc...that strikes a chord within me.
The three posts I read today you ask? Oh I could be a tease and grumpily tell you to visit all the sites on my blogroll and figure it out for yourself, oh intelligent ones. But this post is about optimism not pessimism. And why should I horde all the great posts to myself? That's not who I am or what I'm about. I share what I find since we reap what we sow. I am optimism today...hear me roar! Something like that...
Go forth and read. Report back here with a detailed analysis of the writing styles and my psyche analysis of picks today. Ok...just kidding about that request.
Seriously..go forth and read!
With Spring in full bloom and summer lurking around the corner, today's Offbeat Tuesday is dedicated to bugs.
The natural diet of Lady Beetles consists of soft bodied insects such as aphids, spider mites, and young caterpillars. Adults can consume up to 100 aphids a day.
Certain species of male butterflies produce scents that serve in attracting females during courtship.
The Giant cricket of Africa enjoys eating human hair.
A nest in which insects or spiders deposit their eggs is called a "nidus".
Honeybees have hair on their eyes.
The only insect that can turn its head 360 degrees is the praying mantis.
Scientists have identified more than 300 viruses capable of bringing fatal diseases to insects. The organisms are believed to be entirely different than those that cause disease in humans, and are thus harmless to man.
The average airspeed of the common housefly is 4 1/2 mph. A housefly beats its wings about 20,000 times per minute.
Small cockroaches are more likely to die on their backs than large cockroaches.
There is an average of 50,000 spiders per acre in green areas.
Fleas can jump more than 200 times their body length.
Crickets don't chirp by rubbing their legs together, they make the noise by rubbing their wings together.
The social life in ants and termites has been accompanied by an extraordinary royal perk: a 100-fold increase among queen ants in average maximum lifespan, with some queens surviving for almost 30 years. This longevity can be attributed in part to the sheltered and pampered life of the royal egg layer.
Between 20,000 and 60,000 bees live in a single hive. The queen bee lays nearly 1,500 eggs a day and lives for up to 2 years. The drone, whose only job is to mate with the queen bee, has a lifespan of around 24 days—he has no sting. Worker bees - all sterile females - usually work themselves to death within 40 days, collecting pollen and nectar. Worker bees will fly p to 9 miles to find pollen and nectar, flying at speeds as fast as 15 mph.
There are 4,300 known species of ladybugs in the world.
You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day that in any other weather.
The tarantula spends most of its life within its burrow, which is an 18-inch vertical hole with an inch-wide opening. When male tarantulas are between the ages of 5 to 7 years, they leave the burrow in search of a female, usually in the early fall. This migration actually signals the end of their life cycle. The males mate with as many females as they can, and then they die around mid-November.
Until very recently, no centipede was found that did not have an ODD number of leg pairs. Usually the number varies from 15 to 191 pairs, all odd. No one knows why. However, Chris Kettle, a doctoral student in ecology, recently found a centipede with 48 pairs of legs, an even number. The remarkable discovery was presented to the International Congress of Myriapodology in Poland and featured in the science journal Trends in Genetics. Mr. Kettle suspects a genetic mutation is responsible for the even number of leg pairs.
62 degrees Fahrenheit is the minimum temperature required for a grasshopper to be able to hop.
Mosquitoes prefer children to adults, and blondes to brunettes.
Spiders have transparent blood.
There are more insects in one square mile of rural land than there are humans on the entire earth.
A spiders web is made of two types of silk, one sticky and the other not. The spider begins the web with the non sticky silk and forms the "spokes". After the frame is constructed and secure, the spider goes back with the sticky silk and completes the web design we are so familiar with, connecting spoke to spoke. They will also add rows connecting the spokes to allow them access for web maintenance.
Spend time watching a spider and you will see that they painstakingly avoid the sticky silk and walk on the spokes. Should the spider be startled and walk in the sticky silk it will affix to the spider the same as it would you or any thing else.
Spiders recycle their webbing, so a spider that gets stuck in its own web may eat its way out.
Some crickets burrow megaphone-like tunnels that help transport the sound of their chirps as far as 2,000 feet away.
A bee could travel 4 million miles (6.5 million km) at 7 mph (11km/h) on the energy it would obtain from 1 gallon (3.785 liters) of nectar.
A dragonfly flaps its wings 20 to 40 times a second, bees and houseflies 200 times, some mosquitoes 600 times, and a tiny gnat 1,000 times.
A fly can react to something it sees and change direction in 30 milliseconds.
A housefly can transport germs as far as 15 miles away from the original source of contamination.
A mature, well-established termite colony with as many as 60,000 members will eat only about one-fifth of an ounce of wood a day.
The silkworm's silk comes out of its mouth as a thread of gooey liquid, so that nice silk blouse you spent a fortune on is really just worm spit.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Pick out ten favorite movies, then look them up at IMDb. In the overview at the top of each movie’s page, there are “Plot Keywords,” usually five of them. (Plus more, if you click the link.) Take the first five, and post them. Then the rest of us get to play movie buff and see if we can guess them.
And here are my movies. I'll highlight them in bold as the are correctly named.
1. Social Issues / Fight The System / Barbed Wire / Fence / Doctor Patient Relationship - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
2. Brave / Male Nudity / No Opening Credits / Crushed Head / Tragic Hero - Braveheart
3. No Opening Credits / Graphic Violence / U.S. Army / Landmine / War - Saving Private Ryan
4. Directed By Star / Film Noir / Native American / Rape / Murder - The Outlaw Josey Wales
5. Camping / Biologist / Alaska / Environmental / Nature - Never Cry Wolf
6. Sequel Mentioned During End Credits / Alternative History / Ancient Rome / Historical / Jesus Christ - History of the World, Part One
7. Airplane / Batting Cage / Bookstore / Ex Wife / Sex - When Harry Met Sally
8. Teen Movie / Female Nudity / Voyeur / Revenge / Sex - Porky's
9. Homoeroticism / Small Town / Machismo / Motorcycle / Nightclub - Roadhouse
10. Happy Ending / Old Man / Stroke / Dysfunctional Family / Alternative History - It's a Wonderful Life
And the 5 I'll tag are:
Letters from NYC
Terri Terri Quite Contrary
If these 5 have already participated, I apologize for being a lazy a$$ this morning and not looking through your posts.
RalphDooD comes in late in the 4th quarter and wins the game with a 3-point shot!
Thanks to all who played along. I'm still trying to answer a couple of others around the blogosphere.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Sometime last evening Dazd Central had its 10,000 visitor. I lost my ceremonial speech so I'll just have to say:
To all of my loyal reader(s) and those that stop in, even if for a minute. There's no celebratory prize, live bands or free beer...just the satisfaction that you have helped me get to 10,000 hits quickly. Well, 10+ months is quick enough for me.
I'll be gone this weekend, so you be sure to view those on my blogroll. And of course, stop by here so we can hit 20,000 in less time.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Tim McGraw performed at the 42nd Annual Country Music Awards May 15, 2007. He flew in family members of fallen troops all expenses paid to Las Vegas where the show was being taped. The families were standing behind Tim as he sings the song, making it that much more special. The video is cut short and it's a shame, the families coming out on stage was soul wrenching.
"This kind of generosity and support for our troops overwhelms me," said Debbie Lee who will be there, mother of Marc Alan Lee , the first Navy Seal killed in Iraq on 8-2-06. "Especially when we see so many from Hollywood and the music industry who use their voice and money to protest the war in Iraq," she continued.
I'm still trying to figure out how Tim held it together during that performance. The lyrics are so powerful and hit home to the broken families around the world. I hope he adds this to the soul2soul concert this summer. Hats off to Tim, Warren brothers, and Dancehall Doctors for an amazing tribute.
Dear Families of Fallen Troups, God bless you. May you find strength and peace with each passing day. And may God bless you with healing beyond belief. I only wish there was more I could do, but God can do it all, and I will pray often for all of you.
I'm Already Home
If you’re reading this…and my mama’s sitting there-
Looks like I only got a one-way ticket over here.
Sure wish I…could give you one more kiss-
War was just a game we played when we were kids.
Well, I’m laying down my gun…I’m hanging up my boots-
I’m up here with God and we’re both watching over you.
So lay me down…in that open field out on the edge of town-
And know my soul…is where my mama always prayed they’d ever go…
If you’re reading this –
I’m already home.
If you’re reading this…half way round the world-
I won’t be there to see the birth of our little girl.
I hope she looks like you…I hope she fights like me-
And stands up for the innocent and the weak.
I’m laying down my gun…I’m hanging up my boots-
Tell dad I don’t regret that I followed in his shoes.
So lay me down…in that open field out on the edge of town-
And know my soul…is where my mama always prayed they’d ever go…
If you’re reading this –
I’m already home.
If you’re reading this…there’s gonna come a day-
When you’ll move on and find someone else and that’s okay.
Just remember this…I’m in a better place-
Where soldiers live in peace and angels sing amazing grace.
So lay me down…in that open field out on the edge of town-
And know my soul…is where my mama always prayed they’d ever go…
If you’re reading this –
I’m already home.
H/T to CJ at A Soldier's Perspective
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
This past weekend I relived some childhood memories. At the age of 41, I rarely relive memories unless it’s through the antics of my son. But this past weekend was all about me and the great outdoors.
We pitched camp around 9 pm Friday night after a long day of hiking. Pitching a tent and setting up camp in the twilight is tedious at best. Trying to hold a flashlight and hammer in tent stakes leaves a few bruised fingers. Nonetheless, it was accomplished in record time and we quickly set off on another hike. Upon returning to camp, we quickly realized that it was 1 AM and the sun would be rising in a few hours. Sleep deprivation wouldn't be an excuse the following day so we bid all a good night and went to our tents.
As I listened to songs on my iPod, I quickly drifted off to sleep. I was tired...had not been this physically tired in many months. I awoke the next morning to sounds of helicopters overhead. The camp area was buzzing with activity and everyone was moving in unison like a colony of ants. I dragged my sorry butt out of my tent and stretched in the morning sun. I stumbled over to the vehicle to get the days rations and clothing. I quickly changed into my outfit and headed for the staging area. My teammates had let me slumber and for this I wasn't too happy. But I couldn't find them as I looked all about the grounds. I was informed my teammates had left already and if I climbed aboard the Humvee, I'd be whisked away to their location.
Passing armed guards, barbed wire fencing and numerous tents I was apparently in another time and dimension. We rumbled down the road with the communications blaring and the officer ordering this and that. I heard talk of uranium contamination and terrorist activities. What the hell were my teammates doing? Fire trucks were everywhere and injured people were given medical treatment by EMS. Police in riot gear had one area secure and this is where our Humvee went. I was informed by the Army Officer the team had located a creature and were currently trying to remove themselves from the area. I asked for a recon team and was denied my request. I was handed an MP4, a few hand grenades and well wishes. I would be going solo, due north from my location in search of my team.
The helicopters flew low and caused a whirlwind of dust. At least I had air support and although I couldn't communicate via radio, I could use hand signals. I quickly relied on my training 30 years ago as an advanced scout for the Green Berets. I recalled my partner who taught me all he knew, and his tragic death at the hands of Bigfoot. Gruesome sight it was.... As I made my way through the meadows and assorted buildings, a shiver went up my spine. This was my early warning that something wasn't right. I made my way cautiously now, making minimal sounds and staying alert for movements. I clenched the MP4 and made sure I had the safety off. Sweat was beading across my forehead as the mid-day sun beat down on me. There was no shade and no cover here in the meadow. I was all alone and feeling mighty fearful at the moment.
It was at that moment I saw movement in the distance. I quickly kneeled in the meadow and kept a vigil on the suspicious movement. I heard strange sounds and orders being given in another direction. I moved stealthy and when I reached the edge of the meadow, I saw men in alien suits. These men had captured a large caterpillar and were inspecting the caterpillar for any damages. I saw many suits go in and very few come out. Maybe they were feeding the caterpillar with these zombie like men in alien suits. I returned my attention to locating the original source of movement. I quickly located the movement and headed in that direction. I had just made sure the MP4 was loaded when the movement had a memorable gait. I realized I had located my team!
After much rejoicing and sighs of relief, I was informed the beast had taken refuge in the nearby building. We quickly called in our coordinates and asked for close air support. We were denied air support as my original air support was off flying a resupply mission. Base Camp had called and reported Butter Pecan Ice Cream supplies were low. Drats! We devised a plan to battle this creature ourselves. We would send a dog in to lure the beast out of his lair. When the dog emerges, we would attack with disregard to humane treatment and conquer this beast.
Before we could send the dog in, we heard a sound from deep within the bowels of the lair. We all stood frozen, in fear our movement would trigger a strike. I kept hearing, "If they don't move they can't see you." And after a few moments, the beast struck without mercy. We dodged frantically for cover and our dogs ran like scared kittens. So much for mans best friend and protector.
The snake quickly gained control although we had him outnumbered. He struck mercilessly and just when we thought he'd tired of our valiant battle, he grabbed my foot. I was being dragged into the bowels of his lair. All of a sudden I heard, "Damnit Dazd, wake up will you? Its 9:30 and we're on clock at 10."
My Green Beret buddy from 30 years ago would be proud of our courage and valor during battle. To think I almost met his demise albeit in the jaws of a snake, not Bigfoot.
Note to self: Don't eat pickles right before bedtime.
So next Saturday at 4 P.M. Eastern Time all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.
Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God bless America.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
A full-grown pumpkin has about 15 miles of roots.
A giant squid has eyes that can grow up to 20 inches in diameter. (Now think of how big your computer screen is..)
A giraffe and rat can go longer without water than a camel can.
A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue. i know some people who can do some amazing stuff too.
A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
A googol is a 1 followed by 100 zeros. Mathematician Edward Kasner supposedly asked his nephew Milton Sirotta to suggest a name for the number, and he came up with this word.
A grasshopper needs a minimum temperature of 62 degrees Fahrenheit in order to be able to hop.
A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group in the air is a skein.
A group of crows is called a murder.
A hamlet is a village without a church and a town is not a city until it has a cathedral.
A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.
A healthy (non-colorblind) human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.
A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz. of gas in a single flatulent emission, or about 17 oz. in a day.
A hedgehog's heart beats 190 times a minute on average and drops to only 20 beats per minute during hibernation.
A hedgehog's skin is so tough that when they get run over, its entrails come out of its mouth and its ass.
A herd of forty-five thirsty, rambunctious elephants stampeded into a brewery in Midnapore, where they smashed vats and slurped up beer in a bender that went on for two days.
A hinny is the offspring of a female donkey.
Monday, May 14, 2007
I also learned I'm not physically capable of performing certain requirements. Guess I need to spend more time at the gym. I was disappointed in myself at first, but 8 months ago I suffered a heart attack. I decided my progress is a milestone by its self. And I really need to exercise patience where my physical health is concerned. Mental Health has always been questionable, but to know me is to love me. lol
And yes I missed Mother's Day and all the festivities. But I did check with the missus and Mom before signing up for participation. If they would've requested my presence at home, I would have honored that request. However, I am thinking they enjoyed the day without me. I've heard talk of cake, flowers and overall enjoyment of the day. Kinda makes a son wonder how anyone can have a great time without his presence.
So tell me how you spent your Mother's Day or how you honored Mom.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
* To have her 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.
* Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty pounds to her figure.
* A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hi Ya Mom!" just as she puts a razor to her ankle.
* A full time cleaning person who looks like Brad Pitt.
* For her teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"
* A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.
* To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.
* To be able to step on a plane with their toddlers and NOT have someone moan, "Oh no! Why me?!?"
* To occasionally get to sleep late on the weekend. I mean is this too much to ask?
* To actually carry on a normal phone conversation with her toddler in the SAME room.
* To actually be able to finish a HOT cup of coffee while her kids are present. An impossible feat!
* To take a hot bath without her toddler suddenly screaming, "Mommy, I have to go potty!" as soon as she hits the water.
I'm hoping my Mom has a great Mother's Day. I hope Dad remembers to give her a break and take her for a walk to enjoy the spring weather before she does dishes Sunday. heh
Wishing all you Mom's a wonderful Mother's Day!
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Joel Ricks told authorities that his wife Amy told him she had a surprise for him. He said she blindfolded him and led him into the basement of a Holladay condominium.
Rest of the News Story Here
So do you think she was framed?
I think she just wanted to nail him good.
Its Hammer time...
Comments are open...
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Friends: Have you ever considered, among the grand scheme of life, exactly how friends can come and go yet still remain apart of our thoughts? People have said to me: “Why don’t you call or write more often, I thought we were friends.” I don’t see the necessity to constantly badger someone for attention. Well, except for my link whoring, I’m not an attention whore. I have people I still consider friends and not just acquaintances. Once someone is established as my friend, they remain so for eternity. Only when one disrespects, insults or plainly develops a sense and style of ignorance will they be considered a mere acquaintance. So don’t theorize if I don’t initiate communication that I don’t think any less of a person then the time we last spoke. Friends are a commodity to be cherished for a lifetime. Not one that a lifetime should be spent trying to achieve.
Dedication/Commitment: Before my heart attack, I participated daily in a volunteer activity. I won’t disclose this activity, as I still want to retain anonymity, but let’s say that its one I hope to never use but if/when I do, it will be for the sake of others. But when does the dedication cross that invisible line between what you can do and what you want to do? I obviously had illusions of grandeur for returning immediately to my activity. That was quickly shattered by my first trip to cardio rehab. And later it was compounded by the cold weather. But now that I’ve returned to a part-time status, I feel others may see this as a scapegoat. So I’ve decided that if the posturing and childish antics continue, then I’ll lose my temper and damn them for eternity. And in the same breath remove myself from that situation.
I once took my son fishing. His first time actually, just Dazd Jr. and Dad. What a grand time we had and he learned some valuable fishing tips from this esteemed and well-respected fisherman. Ok Ok You there in the back…stop laughing, ok? Anyways, as I showed him how to tie a hook with a knot, attach a sinker and bobber, baiting of the hook, proper motion for casting and proper patience etiquette for fishing, I turned to him and asked, “Any questions Dazd Jr?” He calmly replied, “Yes Dad, why is the inside of my mouth wet?”
Monday, May 07, 2007
I won't be doing a Caption It this week as I'll not be around Friday to announce the winner. I also neglected to pick winners from last weeks Caption Contest and for this I apologize.
Here are the winners:
1st Place: Renowned make-up artist, Clarisse Poopoi says, "With just a touch of concealer and the proper shading of the nose and cheeks, the fine lines and wrinkles practically disappear!" Jenny Ha-Ha
2nd Place: Mary McDonnell returns in the long-awaited sequel to Dances with Wolves. And to say "The natives have gotten wrestless" would be the understatement of the year!!! Freddie
3rd Place: Virgina Slims 120s: You've come a loooooooong way, baby! Ambulance Driver
Honorable Mention: "Come on, me pretty; just a little kiss, eh?" BobG
List 5 reasons why you blog.
1. Adventure...I spent a few months
2. I wanted some sort of record of my life. And looks like it has helped since whenever I get down and out, I re-read my posts after my heart attack. It helps bring reality back into my life and just exactly how lucky I am.
3. Finally a means to consolidate my friends, and new ones, into one common place. Whether they read this or not is not my choice, but rather a way for me to stop sending countless emails. Those that read this and know me in real life, can read between the lines and know exactly what I'm saying or thinking.
4. A place to unleash my love of humor, music, poetry and anything of worthwhile reading. I don't rant or rave too much about current affairs. And when I do, I try and spin humor into it all. If one person a day walks away smiling, then I've accomplished my goal.
5. And the last reason...my wife was getting sick and tired of my babbling and stupid jokes. She stated, "You better STFU or I'm going to duct tape your mouth FOREVER!." I think she meant it too because she was just as angry as the time I asked to have a 3-way with her and her mom. Well wait...she was actually angrier this time. I'M KIDDING!!! Maybe someday I'll show her this blog. She's been quizzing me why I stopped telling jokes and rambling on about everything.
Ok...I'm gonna tag whoever wants to play. Just leave a comment here so I know.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Pictures? Well it helps if you remember that camera...and your cell phone....and the dog food. We were rushed to get out-of-town Friday we forgot a few things. Nothing I couldn't live without fr a couple of days. Saturday we ran into town for dog food. The small town was unusually busy. We also noticed a few places just opened and some old reliable places had closed.
When we returned we went for a short hike. We saw abundant wildlife and even the wildflowers are blooming. We had an aount and uncle over for dinner that night. I grilled some steaks and we ate like royalty. Later that evening we made s'mores. When the wind kicked up it became too chilly for me outside. So we watched a couple of movies while the women played Yahtzee. I've seen "The Last of the Mohicans" numerous times but never tire of spending time watching a quality movie. Sunday we watched more movies, mostly kid types, and lazed around all day.
And here is the question of the day:
Gentlemen, if you forget to pack your manly shampoo and the only shampoo available is girly, do you use the girly shampoo or just rinse with water?
Friday, May 04, 2007
I average 40 or so visitors a day but maybe 6 comments. Time for all you lurkers to comment...c'mon, you can do it.
Plus I'm close to 10,000 hits since July 2006. Maybe I'll hit the 10K by this time in two weeks, that is with help from all of you.
Ok....comment...you know you want too. C'mon, you in the back row...yes you...post a comment.
Delurking is now underway at Dazd Central!
Have a great weekend!
I've added a couple of new links. Go check them out!
Music videos are below the fold. I do this so the site loads faster...
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Reminds me of a dear friend
Never taking all in vain
Listen for the silent message it sends.
There is no better choice
For the truth in thy eyes
And wisdom in thy voice
Gives no reason to ever question why.
Always someone to count on
Especially in the time of need
Someone as gentle as a fawn
A true friend indeed.
You may not know of the inspiration
That you can give, or receive
Hope for tomorrow helps ease the sorrow
Now a reason to believe.
A fascinating stimulation of the mind
Hopelessly losing all track of time
Peace and comfort never hard to find
Words spoken beautifully as a wind chime.
The memories will be fond
For the future will always remember yester-year
Never feeling lost, always a special bond
A true friend is always near.
Copyright © 1987 Dazdnconfzd
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
There are only two ways to become a U.S. citizen: either by law, or by birth. If you are a citizen by birth, no action on your part is generally required, unless you were born to a U.S. citizen parent overseas, and your birth was not recorded at a U.S. consulate overseas.
If you are not, then you will probably seek to become one by naturalization, an action which is governed by the Immigration and Nationality Act (INA).
Generally, you may not be naturalized unless you:
1. Are at least 18 years old and a lawful permanent resident ("green card" holder);
2. Have resided continuously in the United States, having been lawfully admitted for permanent residence, for five years immediately preceding the date you filed your application for naturalization, or
3. Have, after having been removed from conditional permanent resident status, based upon your marriage to a U.S. citizen, having resided in the United States for one year after the date the condition was removed;
4. Have resided continuously in the United States at all times after your application to the time and date of your admission for citizenship;
5. Have, during all periods of time referred to above, been and still are a person of good moral character;
6. Have no outstanding deportation or removal order and no pending deportation or removal proceeding;
7. Have the ability to read, write, speak, and understand simple words and phrases in English;
8. Have knowledge and understanding of the fundamentals of U.S. history and government;
9. Are attached to, and can support, the principles of the U.S. Constitution and can swear allegiance to the United States.
You can maintain "continuous presence" in the United States and preserve your permanent resident status. Also by not remaining outside the United States for more than one year, or by obtaining advance approval from Citizenship and Immigration Services. A break in residence of more than one year, without advance approval means you must start your five-year term of physical presence in the United States again.
Minors with at least one U.S. citizen parent may be naturalized upon the application of the U.S. citizen parent. This includes adopted children.
Denial of Citizenship can occur with the following:
You may be found not to possess “good moral character” if you were convicted of murder, an “aggravated felony,” as defined by federal immigration law, a crime of “moral turpitude,” a controlled substance crime (but not for simple possession of 30 grams or less of marijuana), if you gave false testimony to obtain immigration benefits, failed to provide child support, committed adultery or were involved in prostitution, or failed to register for Selective Service if you are between the ages of 18 and 25. CIS has paid greater attention to the offense of driving under the influence of alcohol or other substances, particularly to multiple offense by the same applicant where the latest offense is considered a felony by state law, and is scrutinizing domestic violence or spousal abuse cases very carefully. This is certainly not meant to be an exhaustive list of things that can cause problems with the naturalization processes of CIS.
You will be required to take a literacy test to assess your knowledge of the English language, unless you are:
1. Unable to comply due to a documented disability;
2. Are more than 50 years old and have lived in the United States for 20 years or more as a permanent resident alien;
3. Are more than 55 years old and have lived in the United States for 15 years or more as a permanent resident alien.
You will be required to take a test of your knowledge of U.S. history and government unless you are:
1. Unable to comply due to a documented disability;
2. Are 65 years old or older and have been a permanent resident alien for more than 20 years.
If you fail the tests, you will be given a second opportunity to pass the tests within 90 days.
CIS officers are required to make a decision concerning your naturalization within 120 days after your interview, or the examiner may ask you to sign a waiver of this requirement. There is an appeal process if your application is denied.
Naturalization of Members of the Armed Services
Members of the U.S. armed forces may apply for naturalization under a streamlined process. If the servicemember has served honorably for one or more years, is a lawful permanent resident, and is filing an application for naturalization while still in service or within six months of being discharged, he or she is eligible for U.S. citizenship. If the servicemember has served during an "authorized period of conflict", he or she is eligible to apply for naturalization if the servicemember has served honorably during the authorized period of conflict; after enlistment, was lawfully admitted as a permanent resident OR at the time of enlistment, re-enlistment or induction was physically present in the United States or a qualifying territory.
Special naturalization procedures apply to those who served on active duty on behalf of the U.S. armed forces during certain military hostilities defined by law. Surviving spouse of U.S. citizens who died during periods of honorable service on active duty are also eligible.
Naturalization of children on application of citizen parent
The naturalization of children in the United States is administered by Citizenship and Immigration Services. A U.S. citizen parent who is unable to transmit U.S. citizenship to a child born aboard as a result of an inability to satisfy the transmission period requirement, may apply for the expeditious naturalization of that child. One of two prerequisites must be satisfied: Either 1) the child must be residing permanently in the U.S. with the citizen parent pursuant to a lawful admission, or 2) for a child residing abroad, a citizen parent or the child's U.S. citizen grandparent must have been physically present in the United States or in its outlying possessions for a period or periods totaling not less than five years, at least two of which periods were after the child attained the age of 14 years. The U.S. citizen grandparent's physical presence in the U.S. allows for the expeditious naturalization of a child without permanent resident ("green card") status.
CIS procedures should be as follows:
1. The applicant forwards the N-600 application for certificate of citizenship, along with supporting documents, to INS field office in the United States that has jurisdiction over the U.S. citizen parent's or U.S. citizen grandparent's residence.
2. CIS determines whether the applicant is eligible, approves application, and then forwards a letter and naturalization appointment date to applicant.
3. The applicant presents CIS approval and appointment letter to U.S. consular post in his or her home country.
4. The U.S. consular post issues a B-2 visitor visa to the applicant.
This process will allow parents to make a one- stop visit to the United States for purposes of naturalizing their child as a U.S. citizen. The law also provides that the illegitimate child of a U.S. citizen parent may be naturalized.
An illegitimate child is considered eligible to become a U.S. citizen if:
1. The child was born after December 23, 1952, and the mother was a U.S. citizen at the time of the child’s birth and had been physically present in the United States for a continuous period of one year prior to the child’s birth, or
2. The father is a U.S. citizen and:
a. The child was born on or after November 15, 1968;
b. A parent-child relationship was established on or after November 14, 1986;
c. Blood relationship is established by clear and convincing evidence;
d. The father was a U.S. citizen at the time of the child’s birth; the father, unless deceased, agrees in writing to support the child until he or she reaches the age of 18;
e. Before the child reaches 18, the child is legitimized under the law of the child’s residence or domicile, the father acknowledges paternity of the child in writing under oath, or the child’s paternity is established by adjudication of a competent court.
In 1994, Congress provided for the expeditious naturalization of children and for restoration of U.S. citizenship for those who did not fulfill retention requirements. Those laws became effective March 1, 1995.
Former citizens of the United States regaining United States citizenship
U.S. citizenship may be restored to former U.S. citizens who lost their nationality because they failed to comply with the former retention requirements of the Immigration and Nationality Act (INA).
They were required to reside or be physically present in the United States for specific periods in order to keep U.S. citizenship acquired at birth. Those who failed to comply with the requirements ceased to be U.S. citizens.
Today, someone who lost U.S. citizenship because of failure to meet the retention requirements, may regain his citizenship upon application and upon taking the oath of allegiance, provided he is not excluded because he advocates totalitarian forms of government.
Upon presentation of documentation supporting a claim to U.S. citizenship, the applicant should fill out and sign a statement in the presence of a U.S. consular officer.
Intent to reside permanently in the U.S. after naturalization
An immigration law section that provided a means for a court to revoke a naturalized person's U.S. citizenship, if it were determined that the individual had taken up permanent residence abroad within one year of the date of naturalization, has been repealed.
A bit too complicated but dual citizenship, generally, wherein a person may be a citizen of two countries, is not favored by U.S. law.
Spanish translation below the fold.
Por favor la copia y pega el texto antedicho en este sitio: Google Translator
¿No pensaste realmente que este gringo perezoso iba a traducir todos que, tú?
1. What is the stupidest mistake you have ever made with money? Not saving enough.
2. Do you think taxes are unfair or do you think it’s your civic duty? Taxes are unfair...Robin Hood comes to mind.
3. Do you take risks and possibly turn your life upside down for new opportunity? No.
4. Are you the alpha in your household? (Include pets) Yes, I wear the pants in the family, she just tells me which pair.
5. Do you compromise with your significant other or does someone always get their way? Compromise...we can compromise? Seriously...it's pretty much 50/50.
6. What curse word do you use most often? Fluck
7. Do you easily change your mind or are you dead set on most issues? I am open minded and can change my views given enough info.
8. What famous person would you like to trade places with for one week? Hugh Hefner...need I say more?
9. If you could go back in time and tell one person off, who would it be and what would you say? So many people so little time.
10. Were you a good student or did you do just enough to get by? Does wearing skates count?
11. If you could give one piece of advice to someone just starting out on their own, what would you tell them? Do not eat the worm at the bottom of the tequilla.
12. Are people basically good and honest or are most people opportunistic and predatory? I think that honesty and goodness is the minority.
13. Is there somebody you wish you could go back and apologize to? Here again...too many people so little time.
I am going to tag...
The Pink Cosmopolitan
The Coffee Table
Boobies & Beer
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Apparently Eric cornered this bovine during a visit to his favorite eatery. The said bovine is rumored to have been raised by one, Chuck Norris. Folks, this video is not for the faint hearted. Please...be careful viewing the moooooovie...
This is WDZD signing off...Good night and Good news!
A 6 pound sea-hare can lay 40,000eggs in a single minute.
A 7-year study, which concluded in the summer of 2000, found that 33 U.S. deaths were caused by rottweilers, pit bulls were responsible for 27 deaths.
A acre of coffee trees can produce up to 10,000 pounds of coffee cherries. That amounts to approximately 2000 pounds of beans after hulling or milling.
A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28, 1945.
A Baboon called "Jackie" became a private in the South African army in World War I.
A bat is the only mammal that flies.
A bathometer is an instrument for indicating the depth of the sea beneath a moving vessel.
A bean has more DNA per cell than a human cell
A bee could travel 4 million miles (6.5 million km) at 7 mph (11 km/h) on the energy it would obtain from 1 gallon (3.785 liters) of nectar, or it could just sit down on and enjoy that honey properly.
A beaver's teeth never stop growing.
A bibliophile is a collector of rare books. A bibliopole is a seller of rare books.
A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.
A Blue Earth, Minnesota, law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless monitored by a parent.
A blue whales heart only beats nine times per minute.
A body decomposes four times as fast in water than on land.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
A bowling pin only needs to tilt 7.5 degrees to fall.
A broken clock is right at least twice a day.
A butterfly can look at you through 12,000 eyes.