Why WHy Why....
Friday, October 16, 2009
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!***
Keep smiling - it'll make people wonder what you're up to!
 
How to Tell You Have Too Much Time
Sunday, October 11, 2009
 
Somebody Pinch Me
Friday, October 09, 2009


Did I wake up and hear the news correctly...Obama has won a Nobel Peace Prize?

 
Uhhhh
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Yes I am alive.
 
New Radio Station
Wednesday, July 01, 2009


I got tired of jumping from station to station so with the help of another, we launched RapidPulse Radio. I decided with all me free time I'd do something I enjoy, which is listening to great music. And the bonus of listening to great music is I play music for others to listen. A win win in my book. The station isn't genre specific so as time goes by we hope to add DJ's with a diversity of musical interests.

My show is called the Ship of Tunz Show and can be heard Monday nights 7-11 pm est. I'm also on at various other times during the week so check the schedule! I hope you all can tune in from time to time as I rock the airwaves....errrrrr netwaves!

Tune in to one show and you'll never be the same!
 
3 years? No Way....
Friday, June 19, 2009
Yes I am alive and well just nothing major to post about. Still no work and just trying to survive this recession. It really sucks...lemme tell you. I don't even watch the news anymore or even attempt to read world news. It sucks! Maybe thats why I've not had much to write about, no commentary on events as this blog slowly transformed that way. Maybe I should make an effort to post at least once a week but then again no one visits here. Who could blame them as I haven't posted in over 30 days. I'm sure within the next 30 days they'll get bored with the regulars and like a bad train wreck they'll return because they just can't help themselves. I still visit all the regulars weekly if not daily. I don't comment much anymore and for those that looked forward to my comments I truly apologize. Maybe I have permanent writers block or I've journeyed farther down my path that doesn't include writing. Who knows...I'll post here and leave this blog available. Maybe someone will read the archives and find some inspiration or a clue to the meaning of life.

Hard to believe this blog has survived 3 years of my nonsense. This blog has been a therapeutic release for all my dreams and frustrations. I have made a few good friends the past 3 years and I hope that they consider me a friend as well. Over 30,000 visitors in 3 years is an accomplishment I never dreamed would materialize into reality. For that I am truly thankful and a debt of gratitude for those that have laughed and cried with me.

Happy Blogiversary to me! 3 years and still around!
 
Diets are Frauds..So says the Expert
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.