Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Wednesdays Funnies

Thought for the day: Tact is for people who lack the wit to be sarcastic.

At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I was here already?'

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

More Economic Insight

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original grand.

With WorldCom, less than $5.00.

Delta Air Lines...$49.00.

BUT, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling, you would have made $214.00.

So, based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Light Reading Material for the Weekend

In Just one year - - -Remember the election in 2006? Thought you might like to read the following:

Part 1
A little over one year ago:
1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.

Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen:
1) Consumer confidence plummet;
2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $3.50 a gallon;
3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);
4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);
5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;
6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.

America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!
Remember, it's Congress that makes law not the President.
He has to work with what's handed to him.

Quote of the Day........"My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it." -- Barack Obama

Part 2:

Taxes...Whether Democrat or a Republican you will find these statistics enlightening and amazing.

Taxes under Clinton Taxes under Bush 2008

Single making 30K - tax $8,400 Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $14,000 Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $23,250 Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K - tax $16,800 Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $21,000 Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $38,750 Married making 125K - tax $31,250

Both democratic candidates will return to the higher tax rates
It is amazing how many people that fall into the categories above
think Bush is screwing them and Bill Clinton was the greatest
President ever. If Obama or Hillary are elected, they both say
they will repeal the Bush tax cuts and a good portion of the
people that fall into the categories above can't wait for it to
This is like the movie, The Sting with Paul Newman; you scam
somebody out of some money and they don't even know what happened.

You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much? Read this:
Boy, am I confused. I have been hammered with the propaganda
that it is the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us.
I now find that to be RIDICULOUS. I hope the following 14 reasons are
forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick
of reading them. I have included the URL's for verification of all the following facts.

1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal
aliens each year by state governments.
Verify at: Source

2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance
programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for
illegal aliens.
verify at: Source

3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for
illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source

4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and
secondary school education for children here illegally and they
cannot speak a word of English!
verify at: Source
5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the
American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.
Verify at Source

6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source

8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for
Welfare & social services by the American taxpayers.
Verify at: Source

9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages
are caused by the illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime
rate that's two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In
particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime
problem in the US.
Verify at: Source
11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION
illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border; also, as many as
19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds
of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S
from the Southern border.
Verify at: Homeland Security Report: Source

12. The National Policy Institute, "estimated that the total
cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an
average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five
year period."
Verify at: Source
13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in
remittances back to their countries of origin.
Verify at: Source

14. "The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One
Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States."
Verify at: Source

The total cost is a whopping $338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.
Are we THAT stupid? If this doesn't bother you then just delete the

If, on the other hand, it does raise the hair on the back of
your neck, I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the
country including every representative in Washington, D.C. - five
times a week for as long as it takes to restore some semblance of
intelligence in our policies and enforcement thereof.

Friday Funnies

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Ever Have One of Those Days?

Where you have a blog post in mind but you read someones else's post and you totally forget?

Yeah, me too.

Source of Amnesia And Grasshopper, I am proud!

Lets see...what has Dazd got in his bag of pics. Yea, I know I've been slacking on the caption contest. Folks, life is so chaotic right now I put an A.P.B. out on myself. If you'd like to listen to our show this Thursday when I interview Eric Bloom of Blue Oyster Cult, yes you read that right, you can find us here:

I am also managing/promoting a local band called Ruined for Life. You can find them at You can find us on myspace at

Sorry for the lack of quality posts. Right now I'm having too much fun reading everyone else's!

Friday, April 18, 2008

I Survived the Great Earthquake of 2008!!!!

But all the Kings horses and all his men didn't!

WTF PEOPLE!?!?!?!?! Slow news day!

BTW..Crude oil is now trading at $115.53 a barrel. Up 67 case anyone wanted to see REAL news!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

My Boring Weekend, Sorta

I was bored over the weekend. I called my good friend Dragon to see what she had planned. She wanted to stay at home, feeling depressed that her favorite Goldbloom was missing. I asked, "WTF is a Goldbllom?" She laughed and said, "Nevermind, you'd have to visit Gray Bros. Cafeteria to find out.

So I called my pal Ralph to see if he was going out to his favorite place. "Hell yeah!", he exclaimed, "Gotta get my fill of Boobies and Beer!" I met Ralph at the bar and first thing we saw was a Blonde with a laptop. I asked her why she had a laptop. She said her name was Dawn and exclaimed, "I write a blog named 'So a Blog Walks Into a Blog'." She asked what I was doing there, and naturally I exclaimed, "Watching boobies and drinking beer!" About that time A Brilliant Brunette walked in and everyone took notice.

Ralph had called Hoosier Boy to join us but he was busy grilling steaks and packing for a sales trip to someplace between BFE and YouShureGotAPrettyMouth. So I called Rex but he was busy cleaning up the Deer Camp and said Herschel would cut him out of the will if he wasn't finished by sunrise.

Two gents sat next to us and one said his name was Guy and the other we couldn't understand a damn thing he said. Now Guy was obviously being his Charming, Just Charming self with Dawn and the brunette. The other fella we still couldn't understand a damn thing he said until he started drinking. We still haven't figured out what KeesKennis stands for, but who were we to debate.

Ralph and I left after awhile and walked to the next bar. Along the way we saw an advertisement for "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and I was reminded of Mrs. Who and all the people in Whoville. I was pissed the day I found out my brother handed me The Torn Pages of my favorite Dr. Seuss book. All I could do was stand there and think What...? He and I never got along, it was like comparing Vinegar and Honey!

Soon a lady came walking down the street and all Ralph and I could say was Momma Mia! She was dressed to the hilt, although her fashion wasn't quite My Style, she still was easy on the eyes. She sat down at The Coffee Table and began talking to a Poker Girl in Vegas on her cellphone. It all sounded like allot of Pointless Drivel to me, but Ralph seemed intrigued with the Cool Single Mom. Ralph can sometimes be a Cynical Bastard when it comes to humor and he's tough to read. I still haven't figured out if he was an Ambulance Driver or not.

I headed for home and when I walked into the house, I went to the kitchen for a Tall Cool Drink. My Twisted Sister left me a note and sometimes she worries. If you ask me, It's All In Her Head. I thought it sure was nice to be Back Home Again as I sat outside on the deck and watched the sunrise. I was reminded how just the night before I had watched My Moon Rising. Sometimes I think I'm Out of my Mind and others times I just lead an Ordinary Life. I saw the table needed new legs but When Your Only Tool Is a Hammer its tough to saw anything. So that'll have to wait until next time. Last time I tried fixing it I injured myself. But thats another story.

So thats all for my Drunken Wisdom today. I'll just sit here for awhile thinking of my weekend consisting of Boobies, Injuries and Dr. Pepper.

This meme was passed on to me by Dawn @ Twisted Sister. If you wish to participate begin your story with a link to Dazd and Confuzed from Here and use your blog roll for the rest!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

WTF Wednesday

Caucasian American and damned proud of it. I'll no longer accept being called a white American. In fact, since most of my ancestors came from Europe, call me a European American! WTF People!!!! I am an American!!!

Monday, April 07, 2008

Joke of the Week


If you don’t laugh out loud at this, you’re just not trying!!

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"

"That’s easy; he’s a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth."

So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears.

"Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf"?

The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth.

"Nith mouf, can I thee her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget’s head as far as he can up the horse’s fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that.
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

Caption It!

Leave your caption in the comments.

Caption It Winners!

First Place:
Nintendo unveils it's "Dazed and Confused" video game, starring Cheech, of Cheech and Chong fame. Dragon Lady

Second Place:
What has become of Dazd after the unfortunate incident in the meth lab. Michelle

Third Place:
why you shouldn't drink too much and pass out sitting up with 'friends' that dont like you near by. Meleah

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

In a State of Confusion Rant or WTF Wednesday

"A group of state attorneys general is taking the EPA back to court to try to force it to comply with a Supreme Court ruling that rebuked the Bush administration for inaction on global warming." "The plaintiffs in Wednesday's court action include Coakley and attorneys general from Arizona, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, Washington and the District of Columbia, plus the city of New York, and the mayor and city council of Baltimore." WTF People!?!?!?! The government is now suing itself? Source

"A group of children ages 8 to 10 apparently were mad at their teacher because she had scolded one of them for standing on a chair, authorities say. That led the third-graders, as many as nine boys and girls, to plot an attack on the teacher at Center Elementary School in south Georgia. Police Chief Tony Tanner said the students apparently planned to knock the teacher unconscious with a glass paperweight, bind her with handcuffs and duct tape and then stab her with a broken steak knife." That's a double WTF People!?!?!?! Source

"A rattlesnake rancher who calls himself Bayou Bob found a new way to make money: Stick a rattler inside a bottle of vodka and market the concoction as an "ancient Asian elixir." But Bayou Bob Popplewell's bright idea appears to have landed him on the wrong side of the law, because he has no liquor license." A great idea...why didn't I think of that?!?!? WTF People!?!?!?! Source

And just where is Goldbloom? WTF People!?!?!?!