My Boring Weekend, Sorta

I was bored over the weekend. I called my good friend Dragon to see what she had planned. She wanted to stay at home, feeling depressed that her favorite Goldbloom was missing. I asked, "WTF is a Goldbllom?" She laughed and said, "Nevermind, you'd have to visit Gray Bros. Cafeteria to find out.

So I called my pal Ralph to see if he was going out to his favorite place. "Hell yeah!", he exclaimed, "Gotta get my fill of Boobies and Beer!" I met Ralph at the bar and first thing we saw was a Blonde with a laptop. I asked her why she had a laptop. She said her name was Dawn and exclaimed, "I write a blog named 'So a Blog Walks Into a Blog'." She asked what I was doing there, and naturally I exclaimed, "Watching boobies and drinking beer!" About that time A Brilliant Brunette walked in and everyone took notice.

Ralph had called Hoosier Boy to join us but he was busy grilling steaks and packing for a sales trip to someplace between BFE and YouShureGotAPrettyMouth. So I called Rex but he was busy cleaning up the Deer Camp and said Herschel would cut him out of the will if he wasn't finished by sunrise.

Two gents sat next to us and one said his name was Guy and the other we couldn't understand a damn thing he said. Now Guy was obviously being his Charming, Just Charming self with Dawn and the brunette. The other fella we still couldn't understand a damn thing he said until he started drinking. We still haven't figured out what KeesKennis stands for, but who were we to debate.

Ralph and I left after awhile and walked to the next bar. Along the way we saw an advertisement for "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and I was reminded of Mrs. Who and all the people in Whoville. I was pissed the day I found out my brother handed me The Torn Pages of my favorite Dr. Seuss book. All I could do was stand there and think What...? He and I never got along, it was like comparing Vinegar and Honey!

Soon a lady came walking down the street and all Ralph and I could say was Momma Mia! She was dressed to the hilt, although her fashion wasn't quite My Style, she still was easy on the eyes. She sat down at The Coffee Table and began talking to a Poker Girl in Vegas on her cellphone. It all sounded like allot of Pointless Drivel to me, but Ralph seemed intrigued with the Cool Single Mom. Ralph can sometimes be a Cynical Bastard when it comes to humor and he's tough to read. I still haven't figured out if he was an Ambulance Driver or not.

I headed for home and when I walked into the house, I went to the kitchen for a Tall Cool Drink. My Twisted Sister left me a note and sometimes she worries. If you ask me, It's All In Her Head. I thought it sure was nice to be Back Home Again as I sat outside on the deck and watched the sunrise. I was reminded how just the night before I had watched My Moon Rising. Sometimes I think I'm Out of my Mind and others times I just lead an Ordinary Life. I saw the table needed new legs but When Your Only Tool Is a Hammer its tough to saw anything. So that'll have to wait until next time. Last time I tried fixing it I injured myself. But thats another story.

So thats all for my Drunken Wisdom today. I'll just sit here for awhile thinking of my weekend consisting of Boobies, Injuries and Dr. Pepper.

This meme was passed on to me by Dawn @ Twisted Sister. If you wish to participate begin your story with a link to Dazd and Confuzed from Here and use your blog roll for the rest!

WTF Wednesday

Caucasian American and damned proud of it. I'll no longer accept being called a white American. In fact, since most of my ancestors came from Europe, call me a European American! WTF People!!!! I am an American!!!

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Joke of the Week

THE HORTH WHITHPERER

If you don’t laugh out loud at this, you’re just not trying!!

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"

"That’s easy; he’s a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth."

So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears.

"Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf"?

The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth.

"Nith mouf, can I thee her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget’s head as far as he can up the horse’s fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that.
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

Caption It!

Leave your caption in the comments.

Caption It Winners!

First Place:
Nintendo unveils it's "Dazed and Confused" video game, starring Cheech, of Cheech and Chong fame. Dragon Lady

Second Place:
What has become of Dazd after the unfortunate incident in the meth lab. Michelle

Third Place:
why you shouldn't drink too much and pass out sitting up with 'friends' that dont like you near by. Meleah

In a State of Confusion Rant or WTF Wednesday

"A group of state attorneys general is taking the EPA back to court to try to force it to comply with a Supreme Court ruling that rebuked the Bush administration for inaction on global warming." "The plaintiffs in Wednesday's court action include Coakley and attorneys general from Arizona, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, Washington and the District of Columbia, plus the city of New York, and the mayor and city council of Baltimore." WTF People!?!?!?! The government is now suing itself? Source

"A group of children ages 8 to 10 apparently were mad at their teacher because she had scolded one of them for standing on a chair, authorities say. That led the third-graders, as many as nine boys and girls, to plot an attack on the teacher at Center Elementary School in south Georgia. Police Chief Tony Tanner said the students apparently planned to knock the teacher unconscious with a glass paperweight, bind her with handcuffs and duct tape and then stab her with a broken steak knife." That's a double WTF People!?!?!?! Source

"A rattlesnake rancher who calls himself Bayou Bob found a new way to make money: Stick a rattler inside a bottle of vodka and market the concoction as an "ancient Asian elixir." But Bayou Bob Popplewell's bright idea appears to have landed him on the wrong side of the law, because he has no liquor license." A great idea...why didn't I think of that?!?!? WTF People!?!?!?! Source

And just where is Goldbloom? WTF People!?!?!?!