John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day
John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot
that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, Their 11 year old son,
returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. 'Where have you
been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,'
said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, Knocking him
completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, Knocking him
off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, Sat down
and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied
to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John And delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you
ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is
your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha And
knocked her out of her chair.
H/T to Reader Michelle
Monday, May 05, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Wednesdays Funnies
Thought for the day: Tact is for people who lack the wit to be sarcastic.
At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I was here already?'
At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I was here already?'
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
More Economic Insight
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original grand.
With WorldCom, less than $5.00.
Delta Air Lines...$49.00.
BUT, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling, you would have made $214.00.
So, based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original grand.
With WorldCom, less than $5.00.
Delta Air Lines...$49.00.
BUT, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling, you would have made $214.00.
So, based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Light Reading Material for the Weekend
In Just one year - - -Remember the election in 2006? Thought you might like to read the following:
Part 1
A little over one year ago:
1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.
Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen:
1) Consumer confidence plummet;
2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $3.50 a gallon;
3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);
4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);
5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;
6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.
America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!
Remember, it's Congress that makes law not the President.
He has to work with what's handed to him.
Quote of the Day........"My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it." -- Barack Obama
Part 2:
Taxes...Whether Democrat or a Republican you will find these statistics enlightening and amazing.
Source
Taxes under Clinton Taxes under Bush 2008
Single making 30K - tax $8,400 Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $14,000 Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $23,250 Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K - tax $16,800 Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $21,000 Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $38,750 Married making 125K - tax $31,250
Both democratic candidates will return to the higher tax rates
It is amazing how many people that fall into the categories above
think Bush is screwing them and Bill Clinton was the greatest
President ever. If Obama or Hillary are elected, they both say
they will repeal the Bush tax cuts and a good portion of the
people that fall into the categories above can't wait for it to
happen.
This is like the movie, The Sting with Paul Newman; you scam
somebody out of some money and they don't even know what happened.
PART 3:
You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much? Read this:
Boy, am I confused. I have been hammered with the propaganda
that it is the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us.
I now find that to be RIDICULOUS. I hope the following 14 reasons are
forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick
of reading them. I have included the URL's for verification of all the following facts.
1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal
aliens each year by state governments.
Verify at: Source
2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance
programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for
illegal aliens.
verify at: Source
3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for
illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and
secondary school education for children here illegally and they
cannot speak a word of English!
verify at: Source
5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the
American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.
Verify at Source
6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for
Welfare & social services by the American taxpayers.
Verify at: Source
9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages
are caused by the illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime
rate that's two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In
particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime
problem in the US.
Verify at: Source
11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION
illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border; also, as many as
19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds
of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S
from the Southern border.
Verify at: Homeland Security Report: Source
12. The National Policy Institute, "estimated that the total
cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an
average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five
year period."
Verify at: Source
13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in
remittances back to their countries of origin.
Verify at: Source
14. "The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One
Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States."
Verify at: Source
The total cost is a whopping $338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.
Are we THAT stupid? If this doesn't bother you then just delete the
message.
If, on the other hand, it does raise the hair on the back of
your neck, I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the
country including every representative in Washington, D.C. - five
times a week for as long as it takes to restore some semblance of
intelligence in our policies and enforcement thereof.
Part 1
A little over one year ago:
1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.
Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen:
1) Consumer confidence plummet;
2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $3.50 a gallon;
3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);
4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);
5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;
6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.
America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!
Remember, it's Congress that makes law not the President.
He has to work with what's handed to him.
Quote of the Day........"My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it." -- Barack Obama
Part 2:
Taxes...Whether Democrat or a Republican you will find these statistics enlightening and amazing.
Source
Taxes under Clinton Taxes under Bush 2008
Single making 30K - tax $8,400 Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $14,000 Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $23,250 Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K - tax $16,800 Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $21,000 Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $38,750 Married making 125K - tax $31,250
Both democratic candidates will return to the higher tax rates
It is amazing how many people that fall into the categories above
think Bush is screwing them and Bill Clinton was the greatest
President ever. If Obama or Hillary are elected, they both say
they will repeal the Bush tax cuts and a good portion of the
people that fall into the categories above can't wait for it to
happen.
This is like the movie, The Sting with Paul Newman; you scam
somebody out of some money and they don't even know what happened.
PART 3:
You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much? Read this:
Boy, am I confused. I have been hammered with the propaganda
that it is the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us.
I now find that to be RIDICULOUS. I hope the following 14 reasons are
forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick
of reading them. I have included the URL's for verification of all the following facts.
1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal
aliens each year by state governments.
Verify at: Source
2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance
programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for
illegal aliens.
verify at: Source
3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for
illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and
secondary school education for children here illegally and they
cannot speak a word of English!
verify at: Source
5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the
American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.
Verify at Source
6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for
Welfare & social services by the American taxpayers.
Verify at: Source
9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages
are caused by the illegal aliens.
Verify at: Source
10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime
rate that's two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In
particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime
problem in the US.
Verify at: Source
11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION
illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border; also, as many as
19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds
of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S
from the Southern border.
Verify at: Homeland Security Report: Source
12. The National Policy Institute, "estimated that the total
cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an
average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five
year period."
Verify at: Source
13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in
remittances back to their countries of origin.
Verify at: Source
14. "The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One
Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States."
Verify at: Source
The total cost is a whopping $338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.
Are we THAT stupid? If this doesn't bother you then just delete the
message.
If, on the other hand, it does raise the hair on the back of
your neck, I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the
country including every representative in Washington, D.C. - five
times a week for as long as it takes to restore some semblance of
intelligence in our policies and enforcement thereof.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Ever Have One of Those Days?
Where you have a blog post in mind but you read someones else's post and you totally forget?
Yeah, me too.
Source of Amnesia And Grasshopper, I am proud!
Lets see...what has Dazd got in his bag of pics. Yea, I know I've been slacking on the caption contest. Folks, life is so chaotic right now I put an A.P.B. out on myself. If you'd like to listen to our show this Thursday when I interview Eric Bloom of Blue Oyster Cult, yes you read that right, you can find us here: www.talkshoe.com/tc/82267
I am also managing/promoting a local band called Ruined for Life. You can find them at www.myspace.com/ruinedforlife66. You can find us on myspace at www.myspace.com/quietontheset01.
Sorry for the lack of quality posts. Right now I'm having too much fun reading everyone else's!
Yeah, me too.
Source of Amnesia And Grasshopper, I am proud!
Lets see...what has Dazd got in his bag of pics. Yea, I know I've been slacking on the caption contest. Folks, life is so chaotic right now I put an A.P.B. out on myself. If you'd like to listen to our show this Thursday when I interview Eric Bloom of Blue Oyster Cult, yes you read that right, you can find us here: www.talkshoe.com/tc/82267
I am also managing/promoting a local band called Ruined for Life. You can find them at www.myspace.com/ruinedforlife66. You can find us on myspace at www.myspace.com/quietontheset01.
Sorry for the lack of quality posts. Right now I'm having too much fun reading everyone else's!
Friday, April 18, 2008
I Survived the Great Earthquake of 2008!!!!
But all the Kings horses and all his men didn't!
WTF PEOPLE!?!?!?!?! Slow news day!
BTW..Crude oil is now trading at $115.53 a barrel. Up 67 cents...in case anyone wanted to see REAL news!
WTF PEOPLE!?!?!?!?! Slow news day!
BTW..Crude oil is now trading at $115.53 a barrel. Up 67 cents...in case anyone wanted to see REAL news!
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