The weekend fishing trip was a bust. It was too hot Saturday and Sunday for any type of fishing. We were all disappointed as we'd been so busy, this was the first weekend we actually had a scheduled fishing time. Talking with some others that ventured out, they had little to no success. So it was probably a good thing we stayed inside sipping iced tea and enjoying the air conditioning.
The only time we really ventured outside was to grill. We grilled hamburgers, hot dogs and sweet corn. Talk about some good eating folks, even on a hot day there's nothing like grilled sweet corn. We had some family over Saturday and we spent the day/night playing cards and watching a movie. Sunday we spent the day inside as well. Although we did venture over to the sister-in-law's place. She has a place not far from us and she was cooking lunch. So naturally I didn't want any food to be wasted. lol She made italian sausages with grilled onion/peppers, a pasta salad with homegrown tomatoes/cucumbers and potato chips. I'm gonna tell you something folks, I was actually happy it was so damn hot outside. I ate well this weekend! lol
The only excitement we had was the Uncle and I being bombarded by yellow jackets when we tried fixing one of the windows. Nasty lil buggers those are...those stingers hurt! I got nailed 5 times and he got nailed 3 times. Nothing we put on seemed to take away the sting. We were itching and complaining the whole evening Saturday. So for now the window was left unattended until cooler weather prevails. We may try next weekend killing off the yellow jackets but I'm not real anxious to venture back into battle. And besides, those yellow jackets help keep the fly population down. Kind of a double-edged sword...kill off the attackers or suffer with flies. Hmmmmm....
Monday, July 31, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
How to End a War
Throughout history and mythology, women have incited wars. Homer's lliad details how Helen of Troy (formerly of Sparta) launched 1,000 ships. Helen was so beautiful that Greek men went to Troy to win Helen back from Paris. Thus we have the Trojan War that lasted 10 years.
Cleopatra and Mark Anthony were lovers during the Roman Empire. Mark Anthony was giving away parts of the Roman Empire to Cleopatra and her children. The Roman Empire finally declared war on her. When Octavian declared war on Cleopatra, off the coast of Greece in the Adriatic Sea they met in one of the most famous battles in history: Actium. The Egyptian defeat was often attributed to the early withdrawal of a coward Cleopatra from the battle scene. Realizing that her end is close, she decided to put an end to her life. With the death of Cleopatra, a whole era in Egyptian history was closed.
I've taken the liberty to shorten today's history lesson. Today's events in the Middle East has been a tragedy on all fronts. Recently the violence has spread outside the Afghan and Iraq borders. We now have the Israelis fighting to maintain their freedom. We have the Syrians, Iranians and Lebanese silently waiting to see what unfolds with the fight of Hezbollah. Yes, I realize they are instigating and funding this fight, but militarily speaking, they've been silent. I think Tammi speaks volumes when she states the obvious in her post titled "I Figured It Out".
This statement has me thinking too. Why not start an organization for World Peace? It would have to be simple, because we all work, yet diplomatically efficient. An organization with a Mission Statement that speaks in volumes with few words. A hierarchy thats easily distinguishable yet very appealing.
So I'm doing my patriotic duty and organizing this World Peace organization. I'm proud to be an American and feel its my civic duty. We need to bury the hatchet and bring this violence to an end. So I am taking applications for such an organization. I'll gladly sift through all the applications submitted with photos and hand pick each member. This is a way to show my patriotism and make a difference. The name of the World Peace organization you ask?
Boobs For Peace
I strongly believe as this organization evolves our ways of venting our frustrations will quickly dissolve. I mean think about it guys...would you rather kill someone or look at boobs?
Cleopatra and Mark Anthony were lovers during the Roman Empire. Mark Anthony was giving away parts of the Roman Empire to Cleopatra and her children. The Roman Empire finally declared war on her. When Octavian declared war on Cleopatra, off the coast of Greece in the Adriatic Sea they met in one of the most famous battles in history: Actium. The Egyptian defeat was often attributed to the early withdrawal of a coward Cleopatra from the battle scene. Realizing that her end is close, she decided to put an end to her life. With the death of Cleopatra, a whole era in Egyptian history was closed.
I've taken the liberty to shorten today's history lesson. Today's events in the Middle East has been a tragedy on all fronts. Recently the violence has spread outside the Afghan and Iraq borders. We now have the Israelis fighting to maintain their freedom. We have the Syrians, Iranians and Lebanese silently waiting to see what unfolds with the fight of Hezbollah. Yes, I realize they are instigating and funding this fight, but militarily speaking, they've been silent. I think Tammi speaks volumes when she states the obvious in her post titled "I Figured It Out".
I can't help but wonder how in the hell we got to this place in time. So many fighting, planning on fighting and feeling their way is the ONLY way.
How did it get to this?
Then it hit me.
Lack of sex.
The world is not having enough sex. If you're busy doin' the wakawaka you don't have time to be worryin' about what your neighbors are doin' or not doin'. Your hands would be too busy to push folks around (well, unless you're into that sort of thing).
Yep. That's got to be it. Lack of sex.
So - my solution to all the anger and hatred in the world today is have more sex.
Simple and straight forward.
This statement has me thinking too. Why not start an organization for World Peace? It would have to be simple, because we all work, yet diplomatically efficient. An organization with a Mission Statement that speaks in volumes with few words. A hierarchy thats easily distinguishable yet very appealing.
So I'm doing my patriotic duty and organizing this World Peace organization. I'm proud to be an American and feel its my civic duty. We need to bury the hatchet and bring this violence to an end. So I am taking applications for such an organization. I'll gladly sift through all the applications submitted with photos and hand pick each member. This is a way to show my patriotism and make a difference. The name of the World Peace organization you ask?
Boobs For Peace
I strongly believe as this organization evolves our ways of venting our frustrations will quickly dissolve. I mean think about it guys...would you rather kill someone or look at boobs?
Thursday, July 27, 2006
A Good Chuckle
Her Diary
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet
at a bar to have a drink.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was
upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere
quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong; he said no thing. I asked him if it
was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and
kept driving. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he
wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came
to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost
sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Journal
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
*****************
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a
rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over
his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky! : "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both
paws together and bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive
from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet
at a bar to have a drink.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was
upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere
quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong; he said no thing. I asked him if it
was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and
kept driving. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he
wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came
to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost
sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Journal
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
*****************
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a
rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over
his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky! : "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both
paws together and bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive
from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Weekly Tongue Twister 7-26-06
Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw
Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw!
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw
Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw!
I Need a New Source of Income
Associated Press
With gasoline pump prices climbing above $3 a gallon across the U.S., oil giant BP PLC reported a $7.3 billion second-quarter profit, a 30 percent increase from last year despite reduced output and rising costs.
BP's record performance exceeded the expectations of Wall Street analysts, who anticipate second-quarter profits from the world's six largest publicly traded oil companies to surpass $36 billion. ConocoPhillips will release quarterly results today. John Browne also announced he will step down as BP's chief executive at the end of 2008.
Browne, widely credited with improving BP's fortunes at a time of uncertainty for the industry, said strong oil prices are likely to continue. "The near-term global outlook appears resilient," he said.
BP has been plagued by operational problems and it vowed to spend an additional $1 billion over next four years to upgrade safety at its facilities.
The impact of damaged platforms following last year's big Gulf of Mexico hurricane season showed in the slowing of oil and natural-gas production to 4.018 million barrels of oil equivalent a day, compared with 4.112 million in the same quarter of 2005.
In spite of operational snags, BP's revenue surged 24 percent to $73.5 billion as its global sale price for crude oil averaged $65.96 a barrel, compared with $47.79 a year earlier.
BP said the second quarter included a charge of $500 million to settle claims arising from the 2005 Texas refinery explosion in which 15 workers died.
**************************
Anyone else see a disturbing trend? Normally I wouldn't squawk about another company's profit margin. Every business is entitled to turn a profit. But Jebus...we are all suffering the ill-effects of oil prices and these companies are wallowing in money. Oh the stated they are going to spend $1 billion dollars over the next 4 years to improve refinery safety. Wha? Over 4 years?
I think it's time for the big oil conglomerates to start donating a large majority of their profits to worthy charity organizations. We still need a cure for cancer, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimers, etc...
And if all else fails, they can donate to my favorite charity...The Dazed and Confuzed Charity!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
It's Tuesday right?
I've noticed a very disturbing trend in todays youth. Call me cynical, but I'm really afraid teenagers today have less ability for simple calculations. For example:
"Sir, that will be $5.22." I hand them a $20.00 bill and get $5.22 in change. Normally I'd be really happy if I would've paid with $6.00. "I believe I gave you a $20 bill!?!." "No sir, you gave me a $10 bill." And so the fun begins..."Ok, if I gave you a $10 bill and my total was $5.22, why would I receive $5.22 back?" Uh...Blink. Me..."So what would my change be for a $10 bill with a $5.22 total?" Uh...Blink. Me..."get the manager". Now normally, this would be in my favor. The cashier was approximately 16-18 years old. What astounded me was the manager couldn't have been more then 21. lol I could see this was heading nowhere faster then a speeding locomotive. Manager..."Sir, what seems to be the issue. The cashier claims you gave them a $10 bill and your claiming you gave a $20 bill." "That's sorta right...If I gave them a $10 bill and my total was $5.22, why would I receive $5.22 back?" Manager...Blink. Manager..."I'll have to balance the cash drawer in order for you to receive the correct change." Me...Blink. "Ok...I'm sitting in a drive-thru and you want to balance the cash drawer while 1. my food goes cold and 2. all these people become highly agitated. I can wait..." Manager...Blink. Finally, the manager concedes within minutes to me giving them a $20 bill and not a $10 bill. He said, and I quote, "Sir, next time please take this kind of issue to the front cashier area. You have caused an extremely long back-up at our drive-thru." So I drive to the next window, got my food and proceeded to park and honor the managers request. heh
Now mind you, here where I work, there is little to choose from for partaking of fast food for lunch. This place happens to be a regular haunt for me and most of the people inside know me by my ugly mug. As I walk in, I'm greeted at the front cashier by the self-proclaimed manager. I think he was shocked...a kodak moment. I now had an unobstructed view of his name tag...Assistant Manager. "I want to see the Manager...not an ASSistant Manager this time." Yes, I emphasized that part. "Sir, she's busy right now and I'll be more then happy to answer any of your questions or concerns." Me..."That would be great except you are the question and concern." Assistant Manager...Blink. Off he goes...with a look of disbelief and utter contempt. lol
So here comes the Manager around the corner with a scowl on her face and Assistant Manager trailing behind. She's not looking real happy about the interruption and I'm hoping this doesn't go sour real quick. She sees me, smiles and says, "Well how are you today? I just saw you yesterday (and I was)...what can I do for you?" I explained my side of the story and a blank look comes across her face with a Blink. lol She apologizes and tells me she's sorry for my inconvenience and promises to make sure nothing like this occurs again on any future visits. Normally I would've heard Blah Blah Blah...but since I've been frequenting this establishment for some 3 years now, I took it as genuine. I thanked her for her courteous manner and professional approach to my situation. As I turned to walk away, I heard her tell the Assistant Manager what every business establishment should have as their Golden Rule: The customer is always right.
"Sir, that will be $5.22." I hand them a $20.00 bill and get $5.22 in change. Normally I'd be really happy if I would've paid with $6.00. "I believe I gave you a $20 bill!?!." "No sir, you gave me a $10 bill." And so the fun begins..."Ok, if I gave you a $10 bill and my total was $5.22, why would I receive $5.22 back?" Uh...Blink. Me..."So what would my change be for a $10 bill with a $5.22 total?" Uh...Blink. Me..."get the manager". Now normally, this would be in my favor. The cashier was approximately 16-18 years old. What astounded me was the manager couldn't have been more then 21. lol I could see this was heading nowhere faster then a speeding locomotive. Manager..."Sir, what seems to be the issue. The cashier claims you gave them a $10 bill and your claiming you gave a $20 bill." "That's sorta right...If I gave them a $10 bill and my total was $5.22, why would I receive $5.22 back?" Manager...Blink. Manager..."I'll have to balance the cash drawer in order for you to receive the correct change." Me...Blink. "Ok...I'm sitting in a drive-thru and you want to balance the cash drawer while 1. my food goes cold and 2. all these people become highly agitated. I can wait..." Manager...Blink. Finally, the manager concedes within minutes to me giving them a $20 bill and not a $10 bill. He said, and I quote, "Sir, next time please take this kind of issue to the front cashier area. You have caused an extremely long back-up at our drive-thru." So I drive to the next window, got my food and proceeded to park and honor the managers request. heh
Now mind you, here where I work, there is little to choose from for partaking of fast food for lunch. This place happens to be a regular haunt for me and most of the people inside know me by my ugly mug. As I walk in, I'm greeted at the front cashier by the self-proclaimed manager. I think he was shocked...a kodak moment. I now had an unobstructed view of his name tag...Assistant Manager. "I want to see the Manager...not an ASSistant Manager this time." Yes, I emphasized that part. "Sir, she's busy right now and I'll be more then happy to answer any of your questions or concerns." Me..."That would be great except you are the question and concern." Assistant Manager...Blink. Off he goes...with a look of disbelief and utter contempt. lol
So here comes the Manager around the corner with a scowl on her face and Assistant Manager trailing behind. She's not looking real happy about the interruption and I'm hoping this doesn't go sour real quick. She sees me, smiles and says, "Well how are you today? I just saw you yesterday (and I was)...what can I do for you?" I explained my side of the story and a blank look comes across her face with a Blink. lol She apologizes and tells me she's sorry for my inconvenience and promises to make sure nothing like this occurs again on any future visits. Normally I would've heard Blah Blah Blah...but since I've been frequenting this establishment for some 3 years now, I took it as genuine. I thanked her for her courteous manner and professional approach to my situation. As I turned to walk away, I heard her tell the Assistant Manager what every business establishment should have as their Golden Rule: The customer is always right.
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