Thursday, February 01, 2007

Ramblings of a Over-Caffinated Person

I am thoroughly convinced that ALL automobile drivers need an IQ test prior to receiving their driving license. Yes, that’s right…I said it. Anyone receiving less then 100 on the IQ test would not be allowed to drive. Think about it…it’s not the car/truck/motorcycle that kills it’s the ignorant driver. I’m positive the drivers who passed the IQ test would definitely see a dramatic drop in insurance premiums.

“Ok Dazd…sounds good and all but that’s probably a violation of civil rights.” Ok…then let us try this one, shall we? I will adamantly invoke Amendment 2 of the United States Constitution. I’m proposing taking the right to bear arms to a whole new level. That’s right…I said it. We all experienced hallway monitors in elementary school. I’m proposing armed roadway monitors for our streets and highways. These monitors will not only enforce traffic rules but punishment will be handed out immediately. And I’m not talking a ticket here folks. Oh no siree…each Roadway Monitor will be equipped with the latest technological weaponry available. Each vehicle will have 2 AIM-9 Sidewinder Missiles, M-240B Machine Gun and a host of other technologically advanced components. You maliciously disobey safe driving tactics and your gonna get a reminder.

“Ok Dazd…sounds good and all but that’s probably a little extreme, don’t ya think?”
Alright “Mr. WussyPants”, to tough for you? Alright, then the roadway monitors will confiscate your vehicle right then and there. Oh, you need a ride home? Tough tee-pees there, you have two feet use them. And as for getting your vehicle back you’ll have to pass an IQ test. If you pass then you get your vehicle back, of course after you pay a hefty towing fee.

“Ok Dazd…sounds good and all but that’s probably a little far-fetched, don’t ya think?”
Well ok…maybe you’re right “Mr. QuestionAsker Person.” So tell me Mr. QuestionAsker Person, what’s it like to be stupid? I’ve never experienced that low level intelligence and I’m curious. Me? Well yes…I took smart pills as a child and have never really worried about ignorance. That’s right…smart pills. I took allot of them growing up. Oh I know…it looked like candy. Those scientists were really clever at disguising them. And even today I take them and so does my son. In fact, he has a dispenser and so do I. Oh they market them as Pez Dispensers but every intelligent person knows they’re really smart pills.

What, you didn’t know that Mr. QuestionAsker Person? I rest my case.

Readers beware…Dazd’s Roadway Monitoring System is coming to your city!


Jay said...

I've always thought that everybody's cell phone number should be on their license plate. That way you can call them and let them know what you think of their driving.

Lemon Stand said...

Too funny!

Ordinary Janet said...

what brought this rant on? did someone piss you off?

I've fantasized about buying a paintball gun and shooting at cars with idiot drivers. Mom rides shotgun, so she can reload for me.