Thursday, April 12, 2007

This Takes Balls

Well, in his case it takes one.

U.S. man awarded $786,760 in testicle injury lawsuit...

Let's take a look shall we?

AKRON, Ohio: A jury awarded $786,760 (€585,997) to an Ohio man who says he has endured years of pain and must walk bowlegged after his left testicle was struck by a broken weight-machine bar at an athletic club.

"I can barely walk, let alone run. There's a constant throbbing of pain. I mean, it's my testicle. That's a very uncomfortable spot to feel pain," said Jason Houston, 25, adding that sex is tenuous following the February 2004 injury at a local YWCA, the Akron Beacon Journal reported in its Wednesday editions.

Ok...did you all see that? "Sex is tenuous", "constant throbbing" and he was at a YWCA. YWCA translates to "Your Womanly Club Athletics" or something along those lines. Whereas YMCA translates to "Your Manly Club Athletics"...close enough.

Houston has been receiving treatment for pain since. A nerve pain blocker was installed, but that has not corrected all the pain.

"It's a horrendous injury. Everyone who hears his story just kind of winces," Meeker said.

Yes I'm crossing my legs now as I read this and starting to feel nausea. A small bead of sweat is forming on my brow...

Houston has fathered a daughter and plans to marry next month. He has been forced to leave college and some jobs because his injury has left him unable to walk at a normal pace, Meeker said.

Wait! Wha! Let me re-read that portion. It says he has fathered a daughter BUT the injury leaves him unable to walk a normal pace. Obviously he was able to do the horizontal bop at a decent pace. guys can tell you with certainty that an injury like this will leave you to walk funny. And it'll leave you to feel pain for days afterwards. And you won't even think about banging sex after such an injury. And watering the daisies relieving yourself hurts too. And why hasn't he had any surgery to remove the injured boy or deaden the nerve? I know...he'll be handicapped with only one boy. One side will hang lower then the other. Phrases will have to be modified..."He sure has allot of ball for doing that", "he sure is brave but they don't clank when he walks anymore", AC/DC sing-along "I got big ball, you got big balls, together we got 3 balls in all"...I bet wearing an athletic cup with tight pants would look funny too. Kinda like one side is caved in.

I'm thinking he's damn lucky that he wasn't doing reverse leg curls. Cause he thinks he walks funny now...

Can you imagine?

I kinda felt sorry for the guy until I read he had fathered a child. Suck it up, grow another ball and be a man for Pete's sake.

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