Friday, June 15, 2007

Friday Funnies

Confucius Say:
PC geek must master joystick as fisherman masters bait.

Man who grows cabbages and peas in same plot most unhygenic.

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There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say "Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies." She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed.
One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says "Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies". The man standing next to her says, "You go to Dr. Smith?" "Yes," she said, "how did you know?" He replies "Hickory dickory dock!"

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knock,knock
who's there?
atch!
atch who?
Bless you!!!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Madame
Madame who?
Madame foot got stuck in the elevator!

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All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case.....coincidence?
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism... to steal from many is research.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Have a great weekend!

3 comments:

vw bug said...

Love your humor. Thanks for the laughs.

cmk said...

The last batch of funnies sound a lot like Steven Wright--a funny, funny man! :)

Dazd said...

cmk - that is correct. Wright-ism's!