Friday, May 16, 2008

Friday Follies


THIS IS INDIA . IT'S WHERE YOU CALL WHEN YOU HAVE A TECHNICAL PROBLEM WITH YOUR COMPUTER.

============================

A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that
will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation,.....no one
wanted him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and
proclaims,.... "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new
Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their
children!"

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful
entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the Preacher will stay on
here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to
guarantee the college education of all his children!"

More sighs and loud applause, Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with
a smile, "If the Preacher stays, .... I will give him sex!"

There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Jones,
whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead
with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his
wife replies,

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, ....."Screw
the Preacher!"

Isn't senility wonderful?

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

===============================

Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him, 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard !

5 comments:

meleah rebeccah said...

ROTFLMAO.

Happy Weekend!!

vw bug said...

ROTFL!! I love the last one!

Dawn said...

See? No matter how old a woman is... you just don't mess with her head!!!

meleah rebeccah said...

that photo of India where we call for technical issues....CRACKS ME UP

Amanda said...

bahahaha


what would it be like without you to make these posts