September 25, 2006

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

- Dylan Thomas,
Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night

Although my near-death experience was one year ago today, there is virtually not a day that goes by that I am not aware of making decisions based on that experience.

By no means was this a near death experience. Not by the recounts of near death survivors. I somehow cheated death, the Grim Reaper was on a coffee break at 8:25 pm September 25, 2006. The feeling of calm and not panic, reflecting back now, kept the Grim Reaper at bay. No sign of weakness yet signs of strength and enlightenment. I was not scared during my 4 hours of emergency room, trauma room, ambulance ride and angioplasty procedure. Yes I felt tension and apprehension of actually surviving the heart attack. See, I am the youngest of men on my mothers side to actually have a heart attack let alone survive one. Most of the men have died between ages 50-60 of coronary heart disease. I felt calmness that I've never experienced during a personal emergency. As if I knew that if I panicked, my life would cease to exist.

I had a blockage in two of my heart arteries. Most of this is for my medical type readers. lol The most severe blockage (100%) was in the junction of right coronary artery and the posterior descending artery. This required 2 stents to allow proper blood flow. The second artery is the circumflex artery. This is blocked approximately 70-90% and will be reopened on October 12th. Yes, I asked why not both at once? Plain and simple explanation, it woulda killed me. Who am I to question that answer? Originally posted here.

The moment they opened the arteries, I felt a warm rush of life cursing through my body. The warmth of extended life and a sense of being reborn. I have a second chance in life to accomplish the tasks set before me. What that purpose and meaning for a second chance is still elusive, although I will know my task when its completed. But when its completed, then what is planned for me? That is a question I'd rather not have answered and remain one of the mysteries of life.

There are some regrets of that night, and those that are curious can cruise the archives to find it. I've moved past that portion of my life and have actually accepted that mistakes happen, and nothing I had control over. I have often thought of death, and I find it the least of all evils.

I think somehow this blog is just a gathering place on my journey. It is interesting how we wash back and forth across each other's lives here. Seemingly like the waves of the sea washing upon the beach. The sea leaving little gifts of magic and life. All things relying on one another, one without the other becomes a non-existent force. Sometimes the veil becomes lifted and I see you in me and me in you. Souls intertwined amongst all souls until when the last soul looks into the face of love and doesn't turn their back, all souls are one. This intertwining of souls and love is the purest form of friendship. A friendship void of the senses we typically base a friendship. This friendship is based upon our abilities to portray ourselves in a virtual world, of who we are based upon what moralities and beliefs we practice. And our abilities to encounter the gems glittering with the same moralities and beliefs. And nurturing this friendship through the trials and tribulations we call life.

Eskimo Prayer

I think over again my small adventures.
My fears.
Those small ones that seemed so big.

For all the vital things
I had to get and to reach.

And yet there is only one great thing.
The only thing.

To live to see the great day that dawns
And the light that fulfills the world.