A drunk man was brutally killed by as many as eight crocodiles when he tried to touch one of them at a wildlife sanctuary in northeastern Mexico.
The drunk dude apparently jumped over a railing so he could touch a crocodile in Lake Carpintero. Uh, smart move. But then he was surprised by a second croc, who grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the water.
The incident took place in front of 50 other tourists August 12th. The man is yet to be identified. (I wonder if he'll be awarded the Darwin Award posthumously)
==========================
The Youth Baseball League of New Haven, Conn., has banned a 9-year-old from pitching.
Jericho Scott throws almost 40 mph, a speed deemed too dangerous for other 8- to 10-year-olds to step in against. Though Jericho had yet to hit a batter as his team opened the season 8-0, his coach was told the boy must play some other position or the team would be disbanded.
**Source**
=======================
If a Category 3 or stronger hurricane comes within 60 hours of the city, New Orleans plans to institute a mandatory evacuation order. Unlike Katrina, there will be no massive shelter at the Superdome, a plan designed to encourage residents to leave. Instead, the state has arranged for buses and trains to take people to safety. Money sentence: It was unclear what would happen to stragglers.
**Source**
=====================
And for the finale...you decide the backdrop and its significance to the Democratic Party. I'd love to hear your views.
Update: This may seem far-fetched as I have troubles seeing distinct similarities. Read more here. But I've said this before and I'll say it again, "Brush up on your Roman Empire history."
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Honey, I'm home!!!!
754 miles to our destination and home (round trip)
200 miles of endlessly running around for last minute schitt (and me doing some sightseeing by myself heh)
15 hours total in a vehicle with 6 people
Who drove the 15 hours...uh huh, me
My daughter (step-daughter) getting married...priceless
I am worn out my faithful readers. Pics in da email tonight if I don't take a nap after work. :)
Leading up to the actual ceremony was the worst cluster fuck I've ever been associated with, at no fault of the bride and groom. But it all fell into place once we started things rolling.
More later...
200 miles of endlessly running around for last minute schitt (and me doing some sightseeing by myself heh)
15 hours total in a vehicle with 6 people
Who drove the 15 hours...uh huh, me
My daughter (step-daughter) getting married...priceless
I am worn out my faithful readers. Pics in da email tonight if I don't take a nap after work. :)
Leading up to the actual ceremony was the worst cluster fuck I've ever been associated with, at no fault of the bride and groom. But it all fell into place once we started things rolling.
More later...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The Next 4 Days
I will be unavailable for comment although I may have sporadic internet access. I will be attending the wedding of my step-daughter being held in Nashville TN. I was hoping to write a rather lengthy post but the caravan leaves Indy at 2 pm today. I also didn't receive permission to post pre-wedding photos. I will however email wedding photos to those wishing to see. If'n you have my email addy, drop me a note and I'll send them next week.
Also, if'n you want the keys to this place email me before 12 noon EST. I'm quite sure my 15 daily readers won't mind some fresh content rather than my gibberish.
Until then...behave yourselves!!!
Also, if'n you want the keys to this place email me before 12 noon EST. I'm quite sure my 15 daily readers won't mind some fresh content rather than my gibberish.
Until then...behave yourselves!!!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Did Jay Leno Say This...
Well that was in the email I received that Jay Leno was the author. I thought it was a little too intelligent for Jay. ::snark::
Scope it at Snopes
But Damn...There is so much truth! I edited it for my own amusement.
As most of you know I am not a politics fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about politics, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.
The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so unhappy about?
A.. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
B.. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
C. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
D.. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
F.. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
G.. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
J.. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family, and your belongings.
K.. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
L.. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
M.. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?
Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it.
The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an 'other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?
Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......Insane!
Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.' 'With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
Scope it at Snopes
But Damn...There is so much truth! I edited it for my own amusement.
As most of you know I am not a politics fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about politics, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.
The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so unhappy about?
A.. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
B.. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
C. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
D.. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
F.. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
G.. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
J.. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family, and your belongings.
K.. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
L.. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
M.. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?
Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it.
The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an 'other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?
Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......Insane!
Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.' 'With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
Monday, August 18, 2008
Monday Think Tank
Idle Thoughts of a Wandering Mind
*****
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
*****
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
*****
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
*****
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
******
What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?
*****
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
*****
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
*****
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
*****
One nice thing about egotists . . . they don't talk about other people.
*****
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.
*****
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
*****
How can there be self-help groups?
*****
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
*****
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
*****
Is it me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
H/T reader Michelle
*****
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
*****
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
*****
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
*****
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
******
What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?
*****
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
*****
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
*****
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
*****
One nice thing about egotists . . . they don't talk about other people.
*****
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.
*****
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
*****
How can there be self-help groups?
*****
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
*****
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
*****
Is it me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
H/T reader Michelle
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
More Chaos We Don't Need
Here's what the MSM isn't telling you, in my edited version.
Stefan Cornelius, South German News: going back a few days, I’d like to ask you what made you decide to put the forces into South Ossetia on Thursday night after declaring a halt of weapons at that point.
PRESIDENT Saakashvili: I am sickened by the speculation that Georgia started anything first. We clearly responded to the Russians. Ossetian separatists are supported by the Russian forces, and they were shooting at us for days and days. They were killing people. We declared a ceasefire, hoping to stop the violence. On the day I was supposed to go to the Olympics, 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave, I got off the plane, because I felt something was going wrong. I called Javier Solana, Jaap de Hoop Scheffer, friendly presidents, asking them to contact Russia, because they wouldn’t respond to us. We wanted to know what was going on. It was very unusual – we had provocations in the past, but this was very unusual.
The point here is that around eleven o’clock, Russian tanks started to move into Georgian territory, 150 at first. And that was a clear-cut invasion. That was the moment when we started to open fire with artillery, because otherwise they would have crossed the bridge and moved into Tskhinvali. The problem is that on the way, there were villages that didn’t have any military personnel in them, because we weren’t preparing for this. We only had lightly-armed police. So, once they crossed the village, they could move quickly through the villages, then on to Tskhinvali.
They have been building up troops all year. Can you imagine that somebody would bring 1200 tanks into another country within a few hours? It takes months and months. Even the United States couldn’t do it in that short an amount of time. So it’s another Russian fiction. When they shot down our UAV, they said it was war provocation. When they were bombing our territory, they said there were Georgian planes bombing their territory. You know, Finland also attacked the Soviet Union, according to Stalin. Poland also attacked Germany. Small countries always attack, and then get occupied. It’s high time for people to understand what’s going on.
I’ve heard talk of this being a hot-headed nationalist response. Excuse me – what do you mean, response? We were being invaded, occupied, killed – and to suggest that responding to that would be hot-headed nationalism, frankly, would be immoral. I’m astonished that, in the 21st century, that would be possible. My only gamble here was to try to build a free society and a free country. And the Russians are now saying that this is going to fail. My response is that no matter what we do, we’re not going to give up. We had the biggest rally ever in Tbilisi yesterday. This was a time that there were rumours, bombings, there were 200,000 people in the streets despite the fact that people were saying they might bomb the demonstration. Everything’s possible. People showed up en masse. If you have 200,000 people in the streets, that should show you something. Democracy cannot be defeated only by tanks.
But democracies can be betrayed. And it is true that many people in the world are still underestimating the threat, and looking for all kinds of justifications for why they shouldn’t act. For me, frankly, not giving us a MAP was a signal to Russia. They got the signal. No matter what the justification was, publicly, the Russians got the message. They took it as a signal to attack. I’ve been waiting for the attack for months, warning Western leaders about this. They kept saying that “this is not going to happen, that [I] was exaggerating.” I told them they would bomb us. “Oh, no, no, Russians would never bomb anybody.” The scale of the invasion is bigger than the first days of Afghanistan or Prague or Budapest, that’s for sure.
Source for the aboveEmphasis mine.
If Russia takes and holds Georgia with a mass of troops, or enough of Georgia to have an occupied path north to south in Georgia... .
And then there is the imminent expected chaos in Iran once it is attacked by Israel....
Russia has only to roll across little Armenia to take a role in the military situation in Iran.
Thus Russia can take advantage of the situation and claim a warm water port in the Persian Gulf as well as the oil and gas fields of Iran on the way to the Gulf.
Iran could not say no to the bear ally or the bear enemy. The Russians could sweep down along the oil and gas fields to the Gulf and provide a barrier line of Russian troops Iran_oil_gas protecting Iran from the Americans.
If we try to hold this situation off by reining in Israel (as seems to be happening) then the Iranians get to finish their bomb. Its a win either way for Russia as oil either comes under their control, or is destroyed in war.
The only solution is to stop the Russians now.
SourceEmphasis mine.
Source
Stefan Cornelius, South German News: going back a few days, I’d like to ask you what made you decide to put the forces into South Ossetia on Thursday night after declaring a halt of weapons at that point.
PRESIDENT Saakashvili: I am sickened by the speculation that Georgia started anything first. We clearly responded to the Russians. Ossetian separatists are supported by the Russian forces, and they were shooting at us for days and days. They were killing people. We declared a ceasefire, hoping to stop the violence. On the day I was supposed to go to the Olympics, 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave, I got off the plane, because I felt something was going wrong. I called Javier Solana, Jaap de Hoop Scheffer, friendly presidents, asking them to contact Russia, because they wouldn’t respond to us. We wanted to know what was going on. It was very unusual – we had provocations in the past, but this was very unusual.
The point here is that around eleven o’clock, Russian tanks started to move into Georgian territory, 150 at first. And that was a clear-cut invasion. That was the moment when we started to open fire with artillery, because otherwise they would have crossed the bridge and moved into Tskhinvali. The problem is that on the way, there were villages that didn’t have any military personnel in them, because we weren’t preparing for this. We only had lightly-armed police. So, once they crossed the village, they could move quickly through the villages, then on to Tskhinvali.
They have been building up troops all year. Can you imagine that somebody would bring 1200 tanks into another country within a few hours? It takes months and months. Even the United States couldn’t do it in that short an amount of time. So it’s another Russian fiction. When they shot down our UAV, they said it was war provocation. When they were bombing our territory, they said there were Georgian planes bombing their territory. You know, Finland also attacked the Soviet Union, according to Stalin. Poland also attacked Germany. Small countries always attack, and then get occupied. It’s high time for people to understand what’s going on.
I’ve heard talk of this being a hot-headed nationalist response. Excuse me – what do you mean, response? We were being invaded, occupied, killed – and to suggest that responding to that would be hot-headed nationalism, frankly, would be immoral. I’m astonished that, in the 21st century, that would be possible. My only gamble here was to try to build a free society and a free country. And the Russians are now saying that this is going to fail. My response is that no matter what we do, we’re not going to give up. We had the biggest rally ever in Tbilisi yesterday. This was a time that there were rumours, bombings, there were 200,000 people in the streets despite the fact that people were saying they might bomb the demonstration. Everything’s possible. People showed up en masse. If you have 200,000 people in the streets, that should show you something. Democracy cannot be defeated only by tanks.
But democracies can be betrayed. And it is true that many people in the world are still underestimating the threat, and looking for all kinds of justifications for why they shouldn’t act. For me, frankly, not giving us a MAP was a signal to Russia. They got the signal. No matter what the justification was, publicly, the Russians got the message. They took it as a signal to attack. I’ve been waiting for the attack for months, warning Western leaders about this. They kept saying that “this is not going to happen, that [I] was exaggerating.” I told them they would bomb us. “Oh, no, no, Russians would never bomb anybody.” The scale of the invasion is bigger than the first days of Afghanistan or Prague or Budapest, that’s for sure.
Source for the aboveEmphasis mine.
If Russia takes and holds Georgia with a mass of troops, or enough of Georgia to have an occupied path north to south in Georgia... .
And then there is the imminent expected chaos in Iran once it is attacked by Israel....
Russia has only to roll across little Armenia to take a role in the military situation in Iran.
Thus Russia can take advantage of the situation and claim a warm water port in the Persian Gulf as well as the oil and gas fields of Iran on the way to the Gulf.
Iran could not say no to the bear ally or the bear enemy. The Russians could sweep down along the oil and gas fields to the Gulf and provide a barrier line of Russian troops Iran_oil_gas protecting Iran from the Americans.
If we try to hold this situation off by reining in Israel (as seems to be happening) then the Iranians get to finish their bomb. Its a win either way for Russia as oil either comes under their control, or is destroyed in war.
The only solution is to stop the Russians now.
SourceEmphasis mine.
Source
Paybacks
Karma is a bitch...
BTW...why the hell did I even remember there was an LOLcat of a white cat carrying a stick?
I need a vacation...
Monday, August 11, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
Monday Ramblings
Weekend was great Saturday up until my car engine decided not to work! Unfortunately, the head gasket gave out and with the heads being Aluminum they'll need to be machined or replaced. All for a low low price of $1,500.00! I'm in the wrong business!
What else...I have some great news about my show. Just today it was picked up for syndication. I don't have all the details worked out just yet, so a formal announcement is coming soon. Now if I can get sponsors to pay me to do this!!! lol
Not much else happening at Dazd Central. Its freakin hot and humid here so I'm staying in the AC. Here's a joke sent by reader Michelle.
Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking
drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was
already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he
found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are
you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'
The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.'
Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much
to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got
to send me back straight away.'
St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'
Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking
around, pecking the ground.
'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said,
'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?'
'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode.'
'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before.'
'Never', replies Dave.
'Well just relax and let it happen'.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him
and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting...
'Dave, wake up, you drunken bastard. You've shit the bed !!
What else...I have some great news about my show. Just today it was picked up for syndication. I don't have all the details worked out just yet, so a formal announcement is coming soon. Now if I can get sponsors to pay me to do this!!! lol
Not much else happening at Dazd Central. Its freakin hot and humid here so I'm staying in the AC. Here's a joke sent by reader Michelle.
Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking
drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was
already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he
found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are
you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'
The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.'
Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much
to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got
to send me back straight away.'
St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'
Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking
around, pecking the ground.
'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said,
'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?'
'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode.'
'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before.'
'Never', replies Dave.
'Well just relax and let it happen'.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him
and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting...
'Dave, wake up, you drunken bastard. You've shit the bed !!
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