Good Morning! Such a beautiful day here at Dazed Central. Was a might bit chilly this morning as the thermostat read 43 degrees at 6:30 this morning. Frost warnings were issued for the northern portion of my state and the first sign that Winter is quickly approaching. The sun is shining, the overnight dew glistening, neighborhood awakening as if from a deep slumber and once again I meet the day empowered with renewed strength and perserverence.
I realized something last night, and it really struck a chord deep within. My own selfishness has generated an unintentional consequence. This consequence can be rectified but I fear a small portion will never mend. The bonds of trust and belief that a parent always has the best interest is somewhat tainted. The belief that reality is always a distant thought has evolved into a forethought. Dictating our every response, action and schedules. It not only effects my life but all those surrounding me. My own selfishness has become a demon...a demon I created and only I can destroy.
In all my joy to be alive, I neglected to fully educate my son. I told my story of that harrowing experience to anyone that asked and was prepared to listen. However, I neglected telling my son...the one who stands by me day and night, the one I felt it was my parental duty to shield him from this ordeal, but in this selfish process I created a demon that is dwelling within both of us. Only I can conquer this demon and banish it from our lives. I thank my maker daily for being given a second chance. I promised from day one not to squander it. And now I thank my maker for a wonderful son who, in all his wisdom of 10 years, never asked a single question. Sitting patiently waiting for his father to compassionately explain just how close to death he came and that he is also scared, just like his son. The son who is inquisitive and thirsts for understanding when medical issues effect the ones he loves and cares for.
This whole revelation surfaced last night when I heard muffled sobbing emanating from my his room. Upon providing comfort and understanding to his unknown issue, he simply asked, "Daddy, aren't you scared?" I quietly whispered yes, kissed him on the forehead and tucked him away into the safety and comfort of his bed. As I sat on his bedside, I comforted him with words chocked full of emotion. I promised I'd mend the fences and quietly told myself I'd banish this demon. He fell asleep with a lone tear gently cascading down his face.
I will be taking this weekend and traveling to our lakeside get-away. This will be my last opportunity of the season. I am spending this time to exorcise this demon and mend the holes created by my selfishness.
"As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision."