Halloween Funnies!

You're too old to Trick or Treat when...

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Why Halloween is better than sex...

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear a Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.


The Cab Driver And the Nun

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."
The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

Top Ten Halloween Things That Sound Dirty but Aren't

10. She's a goblin.
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag... Oh! your having a great night.
7. Just get on your knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a nice couple of pumpkins on her porch.
5. If you just lick it, it will last longer.
4. Show me your Jujubes and I'll show you my Zag Nuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff.
And the number one Halloween thing that sounds dirty but isn't is...
1. He's got candy spread out on the floor.

And some jokes..groaners...whateva!

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?
hee hee...

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin pi.

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.

Where do you take a ghost who's backed into a lawn mower?
To a liquor store. That's where they retail spirits.

Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to "THE OTHER SIDE"

Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.

Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!

My Rights!

Although I've only been in the blogging community a little more than a year, I've seen many bloggers come and go. And some of them not by choice! Just recently, one of my favorite bloggers and online friend was told to stop blogging immediately by her employer. Sadly, Letters from NYC has closed its doors thus ending a brilliant blog of life's reflections and meaningful insights. I am truly going to miss her and I hope she continues to visit here.

Where do an employers "rights" end and an employee's rights begin? Yes I am fully aware that "Freedom of Speech" isn't applicable concerning blogs. After all, we are not journalists nor reporters but simply just everyday human beings. We are plankton amongst the corporate whales of business. Where does it stop? Will I be told someday by my employer or future employer that my paranormal investigating doesn't "fit" into the company's persona? Will I be denied said employment because some asshat decided to research the Internets without my permission? Or maybe my Internet radio show(s) I frequent or host don't necessarily represent the best interest of said employer?

Or better yet...a myspace, facebook, zanga, whatthefluckever kinda networking page isn't acceptable?

The house I live in or the car I drive isn't suitable for company ABC's employees? Or maybe, just maybe, my ancestral history of misdeeds or proprietary ownership of establishments doesn't fall within the boundaries of suitability?

What if I write a book and it's published yet the Board of Directors feels the topic is too heated or questionable?

When did companies determine that I am not a free thinking individual with my own set of morals and standards? When did companies decide that a Credit History is necessary for a job that an individual doesn't even have access to their money? Maybe someone had a rough time for 6 months and they really NEED a job to get their life back on track!

I want to know one thing..Where the fluck are companies finding all these supposed "goodie two-shoes"? Here's a prediction Mr. Corporate Human Resources Person...you'll eventually have no one to hire because we don't give a shit what you think's acceptable!

I am a human being and I reserve the right...not privilege...but RIGHT to voice, write, condone, broadcast whatever I chose to be acceptable and of moral character according to my standards!

Yes folks...my hackles are raised and teeth are snarling in the moonlight. That's why this post received it's own label!

More to follow...

Halloween Poems

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore-
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door-
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;-
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;-
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"-
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore-
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed
he;But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door-
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door-
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore-
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door-
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered-
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before-
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore-
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never- nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore-
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!- prophet still, if bird or devil!-
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted-
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore-
Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil- prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us- by that God we both adore-
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting-
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted- nevermore!
Edgar Allen Poe



Ghosts

I am almost afraid of the wind out there.
The dead leaves skip on the porches bare,
The windows clatter and whine.
I sit here in the quiet house. low-lit.
With the clock that ticks and the books that stand.
Wise and silent, on every hand.

I am almost afraid; though I know the night
Lets no ghosts walk in the warm lamplight.
Yet ghosts there are; and they blow, they blow,
Out in the wind and the scattering snow.-
When I open the windows and go to bed,
Will the ghosts come In and stand at my head?

Last night I dreamed they came back again.
I heard them talking; I saw them plain.
They hugged me and held me and loved me; spoke
Of happy doings and friendly folk.
They seemed to have journeyed a week away,
but now they were ready and glad to stay.

But, oh, if they came on the wind to-night
Could I bear their faces, their garments white
Blown in the dark around my lonely bed?
Oh, could I forgive them for being dead?
I am almost afraid of the wind. My shame!
That I would not be glad if my dear ones came!
Fannie Stearns Davis

Caption It!

"Johnny was sorry he made the statement...'It really chaps my ass the swings are broke.' "

You know the drill...leave captions in the comments! Winners will be announced hopefully Friday. lol

Caption Contest Winners!

Sorry...life got in the way of posting this weekend. Here are the results!

First Place: As an aspiring veterinary dentist young Pedro was infatuated with the toothy beast. Unfortunately for Pedro however, the field of prosthetics has not yet advanced to the point of incorporating a dental drill into his mechanical arm. Vince

Second Place: Ummm...little boys taste like chicken. *EVIL GRIN* Becky

Third Place: Wait for me Mom and Dad! I need a moment to take a picture of this iguana!! Callie

Friday Funny

SEX IN THE DARK...
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned ON the lights. She looked down...and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

News Flash!!!

Available at your newstand today!

A Quick Post...

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in COLUMBUS,OHIO after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other
patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--,flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the sherriffs office. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud non-drinker. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Caption It!

You know the drill...leave your captions in the comments!

Ps. Posting will be lite this week and reality takes over the #1 slot.

Caption Contest Winners!

First Place Tie: "Jeebus, you suck! If I had thumbs, I'd show your dumb ass how to shoot that thing." Grumpy Unk

NEWS FLASH : USA starts using seeing-eye dogs in the military. RalphDooD

Second Place: Left four clicks, up eight clicks, now fire for effect...Yeah baby! Now that's one mailman that'll think twice about coming onto our place again! Ambulance Driver

Third Place: Sniper Dog Training 101
Remember, Butch keep your eye on the bullet and fetch it when I fire! Debbie Dolphin

Honorable Mention: The new US attack strategy - "Shock and Paws" DNR

Friday Funnies

Double click the above to find out what really happened to Jim Henson.







Double click the music file to see the newest music craze...

Trivia Thursday

Go visit Melevision: TV Junkie and play this weeks trivia. This one is tough but if your a regular viewer this might be easy.

I've not had much free time to visit everyone's blog. I apologize...and I've not had time to post either. I still owe people memes, interviews and award recognitions.

There is something exciting brewing at Dazd Central. People are in place, location is determined and with a few more details solidified it will be announced. It has nothing common with blogging but has alot in common with communities. Stay tuned for a major announcement by Thanksgiving!

We now return you to the regularly scheduled program...

Wacky Wednesday

Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal


We all need to smile every once in a while.

Offbeat Tuesday

Following the Halloween theme here are some unusual facts about pumpkins.

A pumpkin is really a squash?
It is! It's a member of the Cucurbita family which includes squash and cucumbers.

That pumpkins are grown all over the world?
Six of the seven continents can grow pumpkins including Alaska! Antarctica is the only continent that they won't grow in.

That the "pumpkin capital" of the world is Morton, Illinois?
This self proclaimed pumpkin capital is where you'll find the home of the Libby corporation's pumpkin industry.

That the Irish brought this tradition of pumpkin carving to America?
The tradition originally started with the carving of turnips. When the Irish immigrated to the U.S., they found pumpkins a plenty and they were much easier to carve for their ancient holiday.

Fun Facts About The Pumpkin!

Pumpkins contain potassium and Vitamin A.

Pumpkin flowers are edible.

The largest pumpkin pie ever made was over five feet in diameter and weighed over 350 pounds. It used 80 pounds of cooked pumpkin, 36 pounds of sugar, 12 dozen eggs and took six hours to bake.

In early colonial times, pumpkins were used as an ingredient for the crust of pies, not the filling.

Pumpkins were once recommended for removing freckles and curing snake bites.

The largest pumpkin ever grown weighed 1,140 pounds.

The Connecticut field variety is the traditional American pumpkin.

Pumpkins are 90 percent water.

Eighty percent of the pumpkin supply in the United States is available in October.

Native Americans flattened strips of pumpkins, dried them and made mats.

Native Americans called pumpkins "isqoutm squash."

Native Americans used pumpkin seeds for food and medicine.

Caption It!

You know the drill...leave your captions in the comments.

A Thought for Monday-UPDATED

In my haste to post today, I cheated on my cardinal rules of blogging. I failed to research this "email" and subsequentially I was provided the proof that George Carlin did not write this piece. Thanks to cmk for the heads up and my apologies to Dr. Morehead. You can find the full explanation here.

But then again this is the Internet where all things, just like the MSM, doesn't need truth or validation. But when George posts on his website he states, "One of the more embarrassing items making the internet/e-mail rounds is a sappy load of shit called "The Paradox of Our Time." The main problem I have with it is that as true as some of the expressed sentiments may be, who really gives a shit? Certainly not me."

All-in-all this Paradox of Our Time is a good read, regardless of who wrote it. So that's the explanation!

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much , and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Amen George, amen...

Caption Contest Winners

First Place: "Grrrrr..Ante Up Bitch!" Callie

Second Place: "What are you doing here? GET OUT! I told you to never come into this room when the torches were lit!" Joni

Third Place: Touch my bitch and die... Becky

Friday Funnies

Double click to make it run.


Double click to make it run.

Click the "Read More" button for more.


There's a cup of coffee in this picture...I can't find it.


And to prove I'm an Equal Opportunity Blogger...Ladies, there's a canteen in this pic. I see it, do you?

Will I Win the Lottery?

Visiting a clairvoyant or tarot reader to search your future is something that entreaties to many people. Unfortunately, like in any country of life, there are charlatans and fraudsters. There are also genuine, caring excellent practicians who can render you with penetration into your future way of life. Think about your reasons for using a psychic. Different issues require different types of psychics.

Here are some definitions of techiniques used:

* A medium is someone how can connect with people who have passed over.
* A tarot reader is someone who has learned and studies the cards that you will be asked to choose yourself.
* A clairvoyant has intuitive knowledge (seeing). A clairaudio (hearing). A clairsentient, sometimes called "empathic",(feeling). Clairessence (smell).
* Channelers allow others to speak through them.
* Psychics can be one or several or all of the above.

Visiting a clairvoyant or tarot reader to explore your future is something that appeals to many people. Unfortunately, like in any area of life, there are charlatans and fraudsters. There are also genuine, caring excellent practitioners who can provide you with insight into your future path. How can you tell the difference?

Now for the "red flags". For pete's sake people take your common sense with you. If someone asks for money to remove a curse….run, don't walk away.

A Bad Reader will:
• Suggest that your future is fixed. You can always change your future.
• Tell you they can change your future - for extra money. This is a scam. These fraudsters give you a reading full of doom and gloom then offer to cast a spell to change it. Don’t fall for it.
• Tell you to return to them often.Unless you change something, or want to ask a question, you only need a reading once every six months or so. More regularly is a waste of your money.
• Offer to cast a spell to bring you the lover you want. Even if this was to work a lover brought to you through magic is likely to be tainted. They have not chosen you through their own free will. This is a recipe for disaster!
• Read from a script. If they start talking about tall, dark handsome strangers run away! Some telephone tarot line operators have a script they read from. This is not the personal service you deserve.

A Good Reader will:
• Help you to explore your options. You can always change your path, like changing lanes on a motorway. A good reading will help you decide what you can change, if you choose.
• Remind you that you are in control of your own life. They will never tell you what to do.
• Bring hope. Often people consult psychics because they want hope for the future. A good psychic illuminates the choices we all have, bringing hope.

A good reading should be fun, enlightening, amazing and enjoyable. Don’t settle for anything less!

Wacky Wednesday

In the spirit of Halloween, here are some neat carvings.

Offbeat Tuesday

Pi
Pi is how many times the diameter of a circle fits into its circumference.
Pi = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751
05820974944592307816406286208998280348253421170679...

These are some of the numbers names that you may or may not be familiar with.
1,000= Thousand
1,000,000 = Million
1,000,000,000= Billion
1,000,000,000,000= Trillion
1,000,000,000,000,000= Quadrillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000= Quintillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000= Sextillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000= Septillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000= Octillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000= Nonillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000= Decillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000= Undecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000= Duodecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000= Tridecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000= Quathordecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000= Quindecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000= Sexdecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000= Septendecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000= Octodecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000= Novemdecillion
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000= Vigintillion

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,
000,000 = Googol.

A "1" followed by 303 zeroes is called a centiliion. I'm just to lazy to write all that zeroes.
A googol by the way is a "1" followed by 100 zeroes.
A googolplex is a "1" followed by a googol zeroes.

1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,
000 = Centillion
Well lookie! Look who's lazy after all! I don't think I'll add a googolplex though.

Caption It!

You know the drill...

And go say Happy Birthday to Meleah! She's 27 today...

Caption Contest Winners

First Place: It's me...Fat Hairy Bastard. Look at my helmet I bought at the gun show in Belton last weekend. Becky

Second Place: I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you. BobG

Third Place: On the heels of its announcement to discontinue its Kisses brand, Myron starts a personal Jihad against the Hershey's candy company. Vince

Honorable Mention: Unwilling to pay the high exterminator fees, Gunther decided to rid the house of vermin himself. Joni

TGIF

That is all...

Have a great weekend!

Again it is Written

Repost: Sort of...

Main Entry: hy•poc•ri•sy
Pronunciation: hi-'pä-kr&-sE also hI-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -sies
Etymology: Middle English ypocrisie, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrisis, from Greek hypokrisis act of playing a part on the stage, hypocrisy, from hypokrinesthai to answer, act on the stage, from hypo- + krinein to decide
1 : a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; especially : the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion
2 : an act or instance of hypocrisy

This word alone has generated numerous varieties of the definition. “There’s the pot calling the kettle black, What is good for the goose is good for the gander, He/she walks on water and my all-time favorite from childhood; Do as I say not as I do”.

And yet still today I find myself being a hypocrite on many subjects. And this goes against my New Years Resolution. I am trying to change but many obstacles and reprogramming of my thought processes have occured but it doesn't seem to be enough. It’s going to take time and I’m still investing the effort and in return expect those around me to succumb to my theories and beliefs. So I’ve actually decided after my ordeal in September that the hypocrisy, demands and selfishness of those physically around me should be maintained at a level within the boundaries of my stress levels. In layman’s terms, rid myself of those that are hypocritical, demanding and unreasonable. And so the purging has commenced on a grand scale yet again. A fall cleaning spree, if you will.

While I’ve not actually “exterminated” anyone, I’m purging in a manner that cannot be judged or scientifically given measurable statistics. Actually, those being purged because of their hypocritical, demanding and unreasonable stances probably won’t even notice. It’s more of an internal purging. Yes, it’s achievable if one attempts. And yes it will downsize my stress levels immensely. And it’s also going to lift a huge burden off my shoulders. I always “stressed” over why someone doesn’t do this or why someone didn’t do that. Now it’s just a mere thought that is generated and then deleted. It wastes my time to ponder such thoughts which really have no bearing on becoming justified.

So it shall be written, so it shall be done!

Many have desecrated and dishonored the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And so it shall be written and declared on this day, October 4th of the year 2007 that those who wish to be treated like royalty, friends and family shall reciprocate lest ye be banished from my kingdom.

And others have desecrated the Ten Commandments. I am lenient on many subjects and levels of these commandments. But there is one in particular that remains steadfast within my morals and practices. And so it shall be written and declared on this day, October 4th of the year 2007 that those who wish to be treated like family and friends shall adhere to these commandments lest ye be banished from my kingdom.

Henceforth and forevermore, those privileged to be within my circle of trust shall remain as given by these rules declared on this day, October 4th of the year 2007.

Ps. This involves people in real life...not anyone here. Unless you give me a reason!

There is so much good in the worst of us,
And so much bad in the best of us,
That it hardly becomes any of us
To talk about the rest of us.
~Edward Wallis Hoch

Trivia Thursday

Make sure you all go check the newest TV Trivia posted at Melevision: TV Junkie. I had fun pulling this together as it brought back fond memories. I think the saddest event was when Coach died. I could relate to Coach better than any other TV character. Norm was my favorite...his quick wit upon entering the bar left me in laughing fits at time. And Cliff...who could forget Cliff? He and I are kinda the same. I'm always told, "You know things most normal people don't". Although I will defend myself by stating I don't go overboard like Cliff does. Watching that show I fine tuned my sense of humor and have enjoyed it ever since.

And even if you don't know the answers, leave Meleah some comment love since she is celebrating a belated Delurking Day! Tell her Dazd sent you...

Wacked Out Wednesday

A small Russian city just got a really big addition: a 17-pound, 1 ounce baby whose mother had already delivered 11 other children. Tatiana Khalina, 42, delivered the girl by Caesarean section at a maternity clinic. Nurse Svetlana Gildeyeva said the Sept. 17 birth went smoothly, and mother and the child were fine.

The daily Moskovsky Komsomolets quoted the local social services chief, Marina Alistratova, as saying the family had modest means. She said Khalina's husband was on contract with a local military unit.

"We have presented them with a good washing machine, a food package and a card," Alistratova told the newspaper. "We will keep supporting them in the future."

An average weight for newborn babies is around 7 pounds, 1 ounce, according to international statistics.



All the giant Russian baby’s brothers and sisters also arrived in near-giant baby sizes of more than eleven pounds each, but nowhere near a 17lbs baby like not-so-little Nadezdha. She was 17 pounds, one ounce at birth and is reportedly a big eater already...Oh did I mention this was her 12th child? That's right...TWELVE KIDS!!!

The Guinness Book of World Records says the heaviest baby ever was born in the United States in 1879. It weighed 23 pounds, 12 ounces and died 11 hours after birth. Guinness says they heaviest surviving baby was born in 1955 in Italy, weighing in at 22 pounds, 8 ounces.

Mrs. Who...do not plan a trip to russia or drink imported water from there! Just saying...

Offbeat Tuesday

Numbers, Averages And Percentages

85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear.
67.5% of men wear briefs. Yep!
85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments. Yep!
82% believe in an afterlife. Yep!
45% believe in ghosts. Yep!
29% of us are virgins when we marry.
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't. Yep!
40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
35% give to charity at least once a month.
69% eat the cake before the frosting.
When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton. Yep!
85% of us will eat Spam this year. Yep!
70% of us drink orange juice daily.
Snickers is the most popular candy. Yeah baby!
22% of us skip lunch daily.
9% of us skip breakfast daily.
66% of us eat cereal regularly.
22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.
14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
45% use mouthwash every day. Yep!
29% of us ignore RSVP.
71.6% of us eavesdrop.
Less than 10% are trilingual.
37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.
56% of women do the bills in a marriage.
2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks.
44% reuse tinfoil.
57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
53% read their horoscopes regularly.
16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary.
59% of us say we're average-looking.
90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us. Yep!
28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex. Yeah baby!
51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity. Yep!
On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
2 out of 5 have married their first love.
Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
6% propose over the phone.
71% can drive a stick-shift car. Yep!
45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.
2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light. Yep!
1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
62% of us pop our zits. Yep!
33% of women lie about their weight.
10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level. Yep!
14% have attended a self-help meeting.
15% regularly go to a shrink.
78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home. Yep!

H/T: Rex

Far Beyond Ordinary Show

For those of you who tuned in last night for our show, we apologize for the technical difficulties we experienced. We hope all of the kinks are worked out by next Sunday. We will have our guest from last nights show back towards the months end...we hope.

We apologize once again for the technical difficulties. Free broadcasting services do come with downfalls.

Caption It!

Leave your captions in the comments. Winners to be announced this Saturday.