Merry Christmas

Cause for Concern or Not...You Decide

Why WHy Why....

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!***
Keep smiling - it'll make people wonder what you're up to!

How to Tell You Have Too Much Time

Somebody Pinch Me

Did I wake up and hear the news correctly...Obama has won a Nobel Peace Prize?

Uhhhh

Yes I am alive.

New Radio Station

I got tired of jumping from station to station so with the help of another, we launched RapidPulse Radio. I decided with all me free time I'd do something I enjoy, which is listening to great music. And the bonus of listening to great music is I play music for others to listen. A win win in my book. The station isn't genre specific so as time goes by we hope to add DJ's with a diversity of musical interests.

My show is called the Ship of Tunz Show and can be heard Monday nights 7-11 pm est. I'm also on at various other times during the week so check the schedule! I hope you all can tune in from time to time as I rock the airwaves....errrrrr netwaves!

Tune in to one show and you'll never be the same!

3 years? No Way....

Yes I am alive and well just nothing major to post about. Still no work and just trying to survive this recession. It really sucks...lemme tell you. I don't even watch the news anymore or even attempt to read world news. It sucks! Maybe thats why I've not had much to write about, no commentary on events as this blog slowly transformed that way. Maybe I should make an effort to post at least once a week but then again no one visits here. Who could blame them as I haven't posted in over 30 days. I'm sure within the next 30 days they'll get bored with the regulars and like a bad train wreck they'll return because they just can't help themselves. I still visit all the regulars weekly if not daily. I don't comment much anymore and for those that looked forward to my comments I truly apologize. Maybe I have permanent writers block or I've journeyed farther down my path that doesn't include writing. Who knows...I'll post here and leave this blog available. Maybe someone will read the archives and find some inspiration or a clue to the meaning of life.

Hard to believe this blog has survived 3 years of my nonsense. This blog has been a therapeutic release for all my dreams and frustrations. I have made a few good friends the past 3 years and I hope that they consider me a friend as well. Over 30,000 visitors in 3 years is an accomplishment I never dreamed would materialize into reality. For that I am truly thankful and a debt of gratitude for those that have laughed and cried with me.

Happy Blogiversary to me! 3 years and still around!

Diets are Frauds..So says the Expert

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Happy Mothers Day

Swine Flu Pandemic Explained

Friday Funny

Happy Easter

OMG...He's Baaaaaaaack

Ok ok...I've neglected this blog long enough. And it's not because I don't have anything to write about or because I don't appreciate all my friends here in the blogosphere. Actually...I've been extremely busy. Yes...busy...go figure huh.

I have started the process of formalizing my promotional company. I have been given 6 months to make it work or I must seek a real job. The name of the company is Planet Productions Music (pending name authorization from the State)and will be based here in Indiana. Currently you can find out about us at Planet Productions Music.

I have basically given up trying to find a real job. I have regressed to sending funny cover letters such as:


And I've stopped drinking at home:


And make sure you tune in Monday thru Wednesday 7-10 pm est at Smokin Tunz Radio will I'm on air playing Classic rock. We are a 24 hour a day Rock station playing the best from the 70's, 80's, 90's and today. 2009 is a new year and we're switching things up a bit. This is still the place where you want to be to hear all your favorite music from the past decades, but in addition to the Classic Rock and 80's Music that you love, we'll be throwing in some newer songs to mix things up a bit. This is how we will play the tunes that YOU want to hear!

Rock Out With Me Live On Air

Tune in Thursday Nights for Indie Music at its finest!!! 8-10 pm EST.




Tune in Saturday Afternoon for Classic Rock at its finest!!! 1-4 pm EST





Click the banners to take you to the main sites. Join me in the chatroom and keep me company between breaks! Pass the word...

Where'd Dazd Go?

I'm still alive...trying to get used to being home 24/7. If the weather would cooperate it could help lessen the ordeal. But alas Mother Nature has her own agenda. This is the 4th or 5th time in my 25 year career I've been laid off or fired from employment. It doesn't get any easier yet this time I'm not wallowing in self pity. I saw it coming, business was horrid and the orders weren't coming through the door. And this time I'm in a bit better financial situation although I would have to get axed on the shortest month of the year. Which means by the time the unemployment kicks in I'll be behind but I'm hoping and praying for the best. Plus I have opportunities to work odd jobs making some pocket cash so that'll be a big help financially and mentally.

I'm still reading everyone's blog daily. And I do appreciate all the support you all have given me. And for those that offered support with my resume, I'm still working on it. Yea I know its been 2 weeks but I needed some time to focus and regroup. And its tough for me to describe myself and not sound like I'm whoring myself.

So in the meantime, thank you all for the support and I'll try to post more!

New Stimulus Greenbacks being Printed

Are the Good Times Over? Updated

I was relatively confident my unemployment would be short. update But alas, it doesn't always work like its planned. Still no job but its only been 5 working days. lol end update I mean afterall, I set my sights lower and my expectations cut in half. (To clarify, I should not drink when posting) But when I see this:

"The stimulus package the U.S. Congress is completing would raise the government’s commitment to solving the financial crisis to $9.7 trillion, enough to pay off more than 90 percent of the nation’s home mortgages."

I pretty much have lost all faith. I don't see from reading the whole thing how it generates jobs. How it stimulates the economy. What I see is the USA being sold off in chunks. Not literally as in exchange of goods for money like property. I mean like spending so much that eventually the government will file for bankruptcy.

We are now Socialist

WE DO NOT NEED MORE GOVERNMENT. Big Government is NOT the answer. Leave the economy alone and it will all work out. Use the "Stimulus" bill to fix infrastructure and give people a capped 5% income tax. No more no less, all across the board. Downsize government, reduce government agencies, reduce spending period. If you aren't outraged at this bill you aren't paying attention.

When we have an unbalanced spending such as:
$150 million for emergency food assistance
vs.
$2.8 billion for loans to spur rural broadband
$1.8 billion for Rural Broadband Deployment Grants
$350 million for State Broadband Data and Development Grants
$1.8 billion for Rural Broadband Deployment Grants
$1 billion for Rural Wireless Deployment Grants
$650 million for Digital-to-Analog Converter Box Program
There is something seriously wrong.

As I've stated before on this blog, I don't care about your political affiliation. No matter how you slice this Stimulus Package, its nothing more than Pork on the Grill.

And Now I Join the Ranks....

of the unemployed. Yes, 300,000 other Americans in the month of January 2009 were laid off with corporate cuts. Today, I added myself to the ever growing body count. Things are not financially set as the severance pay was minimal. Sucks...but like my header states, Reality sucks and Life Goes On.

Ya know...I was in the same boat 2003. This time I won't wait for that "perfect" job. I've slung cowshit in my day, even some bullshit here too. But seriously, I'll take what I can get as long as its more than unemployment. This is the 4-5 time in my working career I've been without a job. Wonder if I can start my own business as a "I was laid-off consultant"?

So if anyone is competent of writing kick ass resume, hit me up in comments or email. I've got one but naturally its never good enough.

Until then...maybe I should write more!

Happy Groundhogs Day!

February 2nd brings the most-watched weather forecast of the year—and the only one led by a rodent. Legend has it that on this morning, if a groundhog can see its shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter. If it cannot see its shadow, spring is on the way.

Since a groundhog hibernates for the winter, its coming out of the ground is a natural sign of spring. In Europe centuries ago, people watched for other hibernating animals, including badgers, bears, and hedgehogs, as signs of winter's end. Germans who immigrated to Pennsylvania in the mid-1800s began keeping an eye on the groundhog. The widespread population of the rodent made it a handy agent for this particular weather superstition.

Throughout history numerous holidays have marked this seasonal crossroads. Among these is Candlemas Day, February 2, a Christian holiday that celebrates Mary's ritual purification. Early Christians believed that if the sun came out on Candlemas Day, winter would last for six weeks more.

The ancient Romans observed a mid-season festival on February 5, and the pagan Irish celebrated one around February 1. In many parts of Europe early February might herald the start of spring, when crops could be planted.

In the 1880s some friends in Punxsutawney, Penn., went into the woods on Candlemas Day to look for groundhogs. This outing became a tradition, and a local newspaper editor nicknamed the seekers "the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club." Starting in 1887 the search became an official event centered on a groundhog called Punxsutawney Phil. A ceremony still takes place every year.

Today Punxsutawney Phil lives in a climate-controlled habitat adjoining the Punxsutawney Library. A local celebrity, he gained national fame in the 1993 movie Groundhog Day (which was shot in scenic Woodstock, Illinois). The weather-watching rodent's predictions are recorded in the Congressional Records of our National Archive. So far, Phil has seen his shadow about 85% of the time.

***News Update***
(DC)Punxsutawney

Punxsutawney Phil predicts a long winter. More than 15,000 revelers milled about in a misty snow waiting for the prediction, as fireworks exploded overhead and the "Pennsylvania Polka" and other music blared in the background. There are unconfirmed reports of a disturbance during the ceremony. Numerous spectators claim to have seen a suspicious character milling with the crowd.

We know go live to Punxsutawney to our roaming reporter Phil Connors.

Hello, everyone, this is your action news reporter with all the news
that is news across the nation, on the scene at the Punxsutawney Annual Groundhogs Day Festival. There seems to have been some disturbance here. Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?

(Witness):
Yeah, I did. I's standin' overe there by the hot chocolate stand, and here he
come, running through the crowd, through the cotton candy and doughnuts, nekkid as a jay bird. And I hollered over t' Ethel, I said, "Don't look, Ethel!" But it's too late, she'd already been incensed.

Here he comes, look at that, look at that There he goes, look at that, look at that
And he ain't wearin' no clothes.

Oh, yes, they call him the Squirrelly Streak Look at that, look at that Fastest thing on four feet Look at that, look at that He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy He goin' give us a peek

Oh, yes, they call him the Squirrelly Streak Look at that, look at that He likes to show off his haiiry physique Look at that, look at that If there's an audience to be found He'll be streakin' around Invitin' public critique

This is your action news reporter Phil Connors once again, and we're here at the gas
station. Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?

(Witness):
Yeah, I did. I's just in here gettin my car checked, he just appeared
out of the traffic. Come streakin' around the grease rack there, didn't
have nothin' on but a smile. I looked in there, and Ethel was gettin'
her a cold drink. I hollered, "Don't look, Ethel!" But it was too
late. She'd already been mooned. Flashed her right there in front of
the shock absorbers.

Larry the camera dude was forunate to have captured a picture of this Squirrelly Streaker when he stopped long enough for the camera. (Click on the picture to open)




This is Phil Connors reporting live from Punxsutawney. We'll keep you updated as the news develops.

Grades...We Need No Stinkin' Grades

My New Spread the Wealth Grading Policy

Mike S. Adams

Monday, January 26, 2009

Good afternoon students! I’m writing you this email to announce that I’m making some changes in the grading policies I announced two weeks ago when I sent an email with an attached course syllabus. As you know, we now have a new president and I thought it would be nice to align our class policies with some of the policies he will be implementing over the next four years. These will be changes you can believe in and, I hope, changes that will inspire hope, which is our most important American value.

Previously, I announced that I would use a ten-point grading scale, which means that 90% of 100 is an “A,” 80% is a “B,” 70% is a “C,” and 60% is enough for a passing grade of “D.” I also announced that I will refrain from using a “plus/minus” system – even though the faculty handbook gives me that option.

The new policy I am announcing today is that those who score above 90 on the first exam will have points deducted and given to students at the bottom of the grade distribution. For example, if a student gets a 99, I will then deduct nine points and give them to the person with the lowest grade. If a person scores 95 I will then deduct five points and give them to the person with the second lowest grade. If someone scores 93 I will then deduct three points and give them to the next lowest person. And so on.

My point, rather obviously, is that any points above 90 are really not needed since you have an “A” regardless of whether you score 90 or 99. Nor am I convinced that you need to “save” those points for a rainy day. Those who are failing, however, need the points – not unlike the failing banks and automakers that need money to avoid the danger of bankruptcy.

After our second examination, I intend to take a more complex approach to the practice of grade redistribution. I will not be looking at your second test scores but, instead, at the average of your first two test scores. In the process, I may well decide to start taking some points from students in the “B” range. For example, if someone has an average of 85 after two tests I may take a few points and give them away to someone who is failing or who is in danger of failing. I think this is fair because the person with an 85 average is probably unlikely to climb up to an “A” or fall down to a “C.” I may be wrong in some individual cases but, of course, my principal concern is not the individual.

By the end of the semester I will abandon any formal guidelines and just redistribute points in a way that seems just, or fair, to me. I will not rely upon any standards other than my very strong and passionate feelings concerning social justice. In the process, I will not merely seek to eliminate inequality. I will also seek to eliminate the possibility of failure.

I know some are concerned that my system may impact their lives in a very profound way. Grade redistribution will undoubtedly cause some grade point average redistribution. And this, in turn, will mean that some people will not get into the law school or medical school of their choice. Or maybe some day you will be represented by a lawyer – or operated on by a doctor – who is not of the highest quality.

These are all, of course, legitimate long-term concerns. But I believe we need to remain focused on the short term. I think my new system will immediately help the self-esteem of those failing or in danger of failing. It should also help the self-esteem of those who are not in danger of failing. After all, it just feels good to give – even if the giving is compelled and not really “giving” in the literal sense.

Finally, I want to note that this idea was also inspired by a former presidential candidate named George McGovern. In a debate with the late William F. Buckley, McGovern said that people who earn more money should pay more taxes. Buckley replied that the rich do pay more in taxes – and more as a percentage of their income. McGovern looked confused.

But I don’t think there’s anything confusing about our pending social responsibilities. Whether we are talking about income or grades it does not matter how much or what percentage we are giving. The question is and should always be “Can we give more?”


Copyright © 2008 Salem Web Network. All Rights Reserved.

You Can't Make this Shit Up

Blowfish testicles poison 7 diners in Japan

The moneyshot...errrrr money quote:

"It's scary. If you go to a decent-looking restaurant that serves fugu, you would assume a cook has a proper fugu license," Iwase said, using the Japanese term for blowfish."

This one goes under: Flucking Unbelievable!
A service call leads to power struggle

Found this one in the DUH Section:
When CTA driver runs light, you pay

This is really Flucked Up!!!
True story: The Caylee Marie Anthony tribute doll

Hmmmm...steak
Beefs aplenty after S'ville buffet runs out of steaks

Weekend Funnies

Burn Notice

Season 2 premieres tonight!

Great show with an awesome cast. Sharon Gless plays the mom and nails it to a tee. Jeffrey Donovan does a spectacular job portraying his seemingly innocent looking character as a bad ass in sheep clothing. Yes its purely fictional but did I mention Gabrielle Anwar? She is definitely a shoot first and asks questions later kind of gal. Her fearless nature is both enticing and dangerous, as she is capable of making things go "boom" very quickly. She is smokin' hot!

Did I mention Gabrielle Anwar is smokin' hot? And she knows how to handle a weapon.

Caption It!

I.could.not.resist.....

Leave your captions in the comments.

Life has taken my abilities to write, let alone find the time. It's funny life takes twists and turns along a never-ending journey. One day your so freaking bored you could write novels and the next you have little time to yourself. And when I did find time to myself this weekend, I was too exhausted to pen intelligent posts(s).

What is Dazd doing:
1. Well hopefully you all tuned in to listen to my new DJ slot.
2. Managing 3 bands is very time consuming, even making the shows and not practices.
3. Did I mention I have a wife and son...least I think they still reside with me. Not seen them most of the weekend.
4. OMG...has it been cold! Add to that I have no heat in my car only makes it adventurous. Yea...2000 Ford Taurus, you mechanics know the $$$ involved there.
5. Plus doing the occasional paranormal investigation.

Now I do enjoy reading all the blogs listed and those saved in my bookmarks waiting PATIENTLY for Blogroll to fix itself. If'n you check here daily looking for material and leave disappointed of the lack thereof, I invite you to read those on my blogroll.

Some examples:

Rex is detailing his hunting experiences at The Christmas Place

Dawn is collecting frogs and kissing them. I have no idea why but I thought frogs hibernated. Please someone check on her and make sure they are indeed Frogs!!! Maybe Freddie should assist with verification.

DNR has some thought provoking "issues". Yes, I said issues...still not sure if that last post was drunk blogging or not.

Dragon Lady is now a Dragon Granny! Send her snow...she needs snow to cheer her up!

Meleah is in love....

The Brilliant Brunette hasn't posted in awhile. Go fill her comments section please. That'll teach her to abandon us bloggers!

And while your at it, go visit the Brilliant Brunette's mom and fill her comments too. She loves the comments!

She's always complaining about the lows being 40. 40 would be awesome about now!

Ok...head on over to everyone in my blogroll. If you like them, leave a comment and let them know I sent you. Until my next attempt at posting feel free to view the archives!

Dazd at Night

Join me every Thursday night at 8 pm EST for Dazed at Night, Brilliant Insanity with a dash of Confusion.

I will be playing Indie music, mostly rock, along with mainstream songs. As my Indie library expands I hope to go all Indie. You can find my show here: Log in Here You can listen to the show, register a login and password and join me in the chatroom. As always, I will strive to bring you the very best in music and humor.

Shelly Ryan will be providing her comedy love with Seriously Weird News each week. Shelly is an aspiring comedienne and hails from Atlanta.

If you'd just like to listen in and not chat, you can find the show here: Tune in Hear

If I messed this up, I apologize. Email me and I'll get you the correct info!

Thanks!

Dazd

Caption It

Leave your caption in the comments.

Monday Rants

Eye on the UN



Sea Ice same as 1979
Global Warming? It's a farce! While I agree that humans are part of the problem, the extent to which its used by media and greedy sum bitches is staggering. If there's global warming why is it forecasted got -10 below zero here Friday?!?!?! Al Gore can suck a yellow sno-cone.

Beating a dead Horse


From the WTF Files Where is the Sugar Momma's post? EOE works both ways ya know. I happen to know a family of 3 that would be willing for an adoption.

Porn Industry needs Viagra

Porn Industry Seeks Bailout

Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis have teamed up to ask Congress for a bailout. Sources close to the industry say the economic downturn has left sales limp. All other efforts to fluff the ailing industry have failed.

The Hill is all a buzz with talks of a huge cluster fluck. Normally, this wouldn't raise an eyebrow. However, Hummers and necklaces of pearls will not have the same meaning. Pork barrel spending will also spin into a new definition. Golden parachutes will also be replaced but I'm not going there. I do have my limits!

So beware when traveling The Hill and be wary of people named Johnson.

Editor Note: This is purely sarcastic and developed for humorous intent.

Wild Wednesday

Go read it now...go ahead, its very well written and thought provoking.

Groups like CAIR and the ACLU are the forerunners and harbingers of jihad from within, and any red-blooded American who doesn't believe that this nation is following in the dangerous and self-destructive footsteps of Old Europe is either too involved with American Idol and the NFL playoffs or is willfully and knowingly sticking their head in the sand in the hopes that everything will eventually go away and we'll be back to tiptoeing through tulips and singing heartwarming John Lennon tunes.

I'm here to tell you that it will not. It will not. Not unless we somehow wake up and smell the jihad.

Everyday Americans, people of all ages and all political affiliations, seem to get this sense that the great experiment which is the United States of America--if not Western civilization as a whole--is somehow infallible, is somehow immune to the adverse consequences of apathy met with evil. It is not. Every great civilization has had its rise and its fall, and there is no reason whatsoever to believe that we somehow cannot share the same fate as the Mayans, as the Prussians, the Egyptians, the Carthaginians or the Romans.

We are marching ourselves, blindfolded by political correctness, right toward our own destruction. Our need to be careful, our obligation to be vigilant, our struggle to be unafraid is damaged and hindered by apologies and arbitration awards, and I fear that unless we wake up, we'll be handing over our own severed infidel heads before you know it.

Something Cool

Some cool pictures I found while browsing the Internet over the holidays. Forgot to bookmark the site and name the pics. (Hey, no one ever said I was brilliant)

There's going to be some changes to the blog material here at Dazd Central. I'm looking for a new page design to incorporate. I'm also going to be posting more informative pieces surrounding the world current affairs, as I see them. I hope to blog more than once every 5 days. As always, I find everyone else has way cooler posts and more to talk about than me. But I am opinionated so that'll become more apparent as the year progresses. I've kept myself quiet for too long.

I hope everyone had a safe and happy holidays!